By
Rob
As the emerald-tinted disappointment of The Chantrey Arms receded into the background, we approached the final of the four Chesterfield Road pubs. The journey, it seemed, was to end with a Wetherspoons.
Like most of its sisters in Sheffield, this particular establishment had cocooned itself within an impressive building of not inconsiderable age, transforming its innards into the easily recognisable Wetherspoons interior.
A former picture house that first opened its doors to the public in 1911, The Woodseats Palace has retained its original name and, in many ways, its original function (people still go there to relax, to be entertained, to sit and stealthily touch one another’s genitals).
In a similar fashion to The Rawson Spring or the Sheffield Water Works Company, the nature of the building means that the pub is incredibly spacious and can seat a great many of Wetherspoons’ typically varied clientele.
On a busy night this gives the place a good, if slightly boisterous, atmosphere. On a quiet night, however, the unoccupied acres of carpeted floor only serve to highlight the emptiness that might otherwise go unnoticed in a more appropriately-sized venue.
On this particular night the pub was about half full. To our great dismay, our untimely entrance coincided with the reading of question seven of The Woodseats Palace pub quiz.
Despite our slightly-better-than-awful general knowledge, we knew that a handicap of seven would be too much for even us to overcome. Glumly, we headed to the bar.
We perked up slightly when we scanned the extensive range of beers on offer – an attribute of Wetherspoons that is always appreciated.
On this occasion we went for a pint of ‘This. Is. Lager.’ from BrewDog, the trendy craft beer manufacturer and employer of young bearded hipsters. Given our quest to try and avoid drinking the same pint twice, we naturally find ourselves sipping an awful lot of ale. As such, it's always refreshing to be able to order a lager.
The pint did not disappoint and, with its malty flavour and citrus tones, it made for a nice change from the usual ales. According to the good people over at BrewDog headquarters, this lager is both "robust" and "honest" (there are many things that I might look for in a lager, but I can safely say that trustworthiness is not among them).
The quiz went on around us and, truth be told, our non-participation turned out to be a blessing as question after question passed us by, few of which we could answer. We finished our drinks fairly quickly – a testament to the welcome change that lager made – and headed outside.
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| The Dreaded Stairway |
In
a weak attempt to counter some of the adverse health effects of
consuming endless pints, we decided to walk from Woodseats into town.
About ten minutes into the journey we realised that this effort was
woefully inadequate and that, to have any impact on our physical
wellbeing, we would need to increase the level of exercise
significantly.
It seemed as if Lady Fortuna herself had been listening, as our eyes fell upon a handily-placed and wickedly steep set of stairs. Andy, unquestionably the sportier of the two of us, ran straight towards them and began to jog up the incline. Hot on his heels, I followed suit and ascended the stairway.
It was magnificent – man versus gravity, burning off the calories and strengthening the muscles. Just five seconds in and I could feel my blood pumping, my heart racing, my legs pounding the concrete.
Ten seconds in and I had to stop – leaning on the railing and trying very hard not to be sick on myself. It turns out there is a reason why athletes don't get tanked up on ale before they start their training...
Pub: Woodseats Palace (692 Chesterfield Road, S8 0SD)
Rating: 6/10
Pint: This. Is. Lager.
Brewery: BrewDog (Ellon, Aberdeenshire)
NEXT UP: Racist clientele, at the Hollin Bush...
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