Pub 23, Day 6 – Frog & Parrot

By Rob

For those of you keeping count, you'll note that by the time we left the Heeley & Sheffield we had each drank four pints. Now, that's not nearly enough to warrant a drunken haze, but four pints do have the cumulative effect of making the recipient a little merrier than usual.

As such, I wanted to stay out. Living in town, it would be ideal to get a tram into the city centre, have a drink, and then walk home from there. For Andy, living just five minutes away from Gleadless Townend, it made sense to end the evening where we were.

So, given our conflicting views on what constituted the best course of action, we did what I wanted.

However, any fantasies I harboured of a wild night on the town transpired to be wildly unrealistic. Instead of hitting the clubs and bars, we found ourselves inexorably drawn to – you might have guessed – a pub. Maybe we were developing a supernatural sixth sense for public houses? Maybe we'd just come to love pubs beyond all measure?

Whatever the reason, we ended up in The Frog & Parrot. A trendy pub on a trendy street, the Frog & Parrot is delightful inside. Smartly decorated, with just the right amount of quirkiness to not be pretentious (a difficult balance to strike), it had a great feel to it. We ordered two pints of Lord Parrot Ale – a drink we could be certain we would not come across again as it was brewed by the pub, in the pub, for the pub.

The increasingly blurred certificates for Roger and Out

When it first opened in 1982, the Frog & Parrot (then called the Prince of Wales) was one of very few Sheffield pubs in which the landlord brewed and sold his own beer on the premises. When it was later bought by Roger Nowill, the brewing process was expanded to five ales. One of these, labelled 'Roger and Out', was so strong that customers were permitted only three glasses a day before being cut-off, with each glass holding only a third of a pint.

After your first drink, you got a certificate. After the second, you were issued with a yellow card. Once you'd downed your third and final glass you had precisely one full pint of the stuff inside you. That earned you the red card.

In June 1988 the ale entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the strongest regularly pulled beer in the world, apparently attracting people from right across the globe.^[1]

The ale we had was considerably less lethal, but enjoyable nonetheless.

While there wasn't any music playing during our visit, from previous attendance I know that the pub often hosts live bands and also serves good food.

Just one of the quirky seating areas in the Frog & Parrot

After sitting on public transport for twenty minutes in order to get to town, we had the pint and then Andy endured a further twenty minutes in order to get home.

That, ladies and gents, is dedication to the cause.

Pub: Frog & Parrot (94 Division Street, S1 4GF)
Rating: 7/10
Beer: Lord Parrot Ale 
Brewery: Frog & Parrot (Homebrew) 

NEXT UP: A trip to Bulgaria, at The Fat Cat...

References:

[1] Peter Tuffrey, Sheffield Pubs; Landlords and Landladies, Fonthill Media, (2012), p.61

Pub 22, Day 6 – Heeley & Sheffield

By Rob

Leaving The Red Lion, and putting the snooker score firmly out of our mind, we stumbled across a rather striking realisation: we were hungry.

While ingesting food is a biological necessity fundamental to the practice of not dying, it takes on added importance when you are drinking pint after pint of beer. So it was that we, in our limitless wisdom, decided to pop into Gleadless Townend’s premier dining establishment – Viva Tequila. Seemingly the brainchild of an entrepreneur who was torn between opening either an Italian restaurant or a Mexican bar, Viva represents the hybrid offspring of this surprisingly fruitful union.

Upon our arrival we secured a table for two, having no trouble seeing as the place was even less busy than the pub we had just left, and settled in for what looked set to be an intimate experience.

The date, for that is essentially what it was, was wonderful. The food was both good and very reasonably priced. The waiter did an excellent job of hiding his initial disquiet and subsequent disbelief when we decided to engage in the charade of pretending we were in a homosexual and deeply romantic relationship with one another.

NB: (For all the women reading this who are between the ages of 20 and 30, I would like to point out that no genuine intimacy took place during our enactment and that I am entirely heterosexual. Alas, I will not say the same for Andy as I just don’t feel comfortable discussing his sexual orientation without his prior permission, so it is probably best to assume that he is unavailable and just message me instead)

If I did have a boyfriend, I'd want him to make more effort on a date

After we had finished our meal and left, we headed over to the Heeley & Sheffield.

I would like to say that this pub was warm and cosy, with a friendly atmosphere and pleasant staff. I would like to tell you that the customers were all jolly old men who shook our hands and welcomed us into their local public house with earnest smiles and fond hellos. I would like to write these things with a sincere hand, but then I’d need to have been inside a different pub.

The pub is obviously too big for purpose. Its six customers were huddled around the bar in the centre of the room, while the rest of it stretched away into dark disuse. They all made a point of turning to look towards the door as it creaked open and we stepped inside. One could be forgiven for thinking the entire scene was being secretly directed by Sergio Leone, as we elicited stares upon entering the old run-down saloon. Fortunately, the pistol duels and bar brawls were kept to a strict minimum.

We ordered two pints of John Smith’s Extra Cold.

Now, you might be thinking that John Smith’s Extra Cold is essentially the same beer as John Smith’s Extra Smooth. You would be thinking wrong. One is marginally colder than the other. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it was extra cold.

Sitting in a corner of the pub, away from the central nucleus of activity, we didn't hang around for very long. In fact, the amount of time we stayed was precisely the number of minutes it takes for a person to drink a pint of John Smith’s.

The Heeley gets a dismal, yet deserved, 3/10.

Pub: Heeley & Sheffield (781 Gleadless Road, S12 2QD)

Rating: 3/10

Pint: John Smith’s Extra Cold      

Brewery: John Smith's Brewery (Tadcaster, North Yorkshire)

NEXT UP: The strongest beer in the world, at the Frog & Parrot... 

Pub 21, Day 6 – The Red Lion

By Andy

Blinking back into the city lights, we began the steep walk uphill to the first Red Lion of Pubquest, located at Gleadless Townend. Despite looking a bit iffy from the outside, it turned out to be a welcoming pub with a good selection of beers. Opting for Slater's Premium Best Bitter, we headed for the back room, where we discovered The Red Lion's greatest feature... a snooker table!

Rather like the red squirrel, the snooker table faces fierce competition from a more adept species; the pool table. Pool is simpler, easier, and requires a smaller table, so landlords are more inclined to install one. Snooker on the other hand requires a larger table and therefore a greater level of skill. This is evidenced by the fact that I'm decent at pool, yet hopelessly inept at snooker. Still, I prefer the latter.

Were I Prime Minister I may well pass a law making snooker tables mandatory in all pubs. Indeed, I may go a step further and replace the current immigration regulations with a test on which order to pot the colours in snooker. Anyone who knows that is British enough for me.

Now, at this point I should set the scene. For the past three years, me and Rob have been undertaking a mammoth best-of-35-frames snooker match. At the time of our visit to the Red Lion, I held a crushingly one-sided 15-14 lead. The rivalry was there for all to see. Comparisons to Steve Davis vs Dennis Taylor were not far wide of the mark. In front of a hushed crowd (well, an empty pub) we picked up the cues to do battle once more.

Let's pretend that Rob potted this red (he didn't)

I'd love to say that within 20 minutes the table was cleared and a winner was crowned. Unfortunately, this was not the case. An hour later however, the balls were sunk and I had emerged victorious.

Aware that we'd been hogging the snooker table for an exceptionally long period of time, we glanced around. Luckily, the pub was still nigh-on empty. Feeling particularly confident after subjecting Rob to yet another defeat (at 16-14, I had now won a staggering 53% of frames), I suggested one more.

Almost immediately however, things began to go wrong. No sooner had we broken off than a man arrived and asked if he and his friend could play after us. Judging by the fact that he had brought his own cue, it was clear that this man was an infinitely better player than we were, and hour-long scrappy frames were not something he had ever been witness to before.

Noticing the panic-stricken look on our faces, he tried to reassure us. “Don't worry”, he claimed, “we don't mind waiting. The guy I'm playing's not even here yet.” We smiled gamely, but deep down we both knew that his opponent could be travelling from Cornwall by foot and still arrive before we had seen off the reds.

Sure enough, his opponent soon arrived, complete with cue. Perhaps my memory's playing tricks on me, but I think he was even wearing a waistcoat.

Thankfully, the law of averages was on our side. A snooker table is approximately 5% pocket, so after a while passed in which we were bashing balls around, only the pink and black remained. As usual, it was shaping up to be another crushing victory for myself – I was ahead by 1 point.

However, this was where things began to stall. Knowing that the next two balls would decide the frame, and being competitive folk, we proceeded to produce an array of masterful safety shots that would have left Peter Ebdon gushing with pride. Rather predictably, this was not going down well with our two onlookers, who were now growing impatient. At one point, having left the pink perfectly on the top cushion, I turned to receive the audience's adulation, only to be greeted by a very audible tut.

Eventually I sank the pink, giving me a 7-point lead with only the black ball remaining. I'm sure by now you've all worked out what happened next. No? Well, Rob knocked the black in (worth 7 points), meaning that at the end of the frame we were tied. Faced with no other option, and with the mood of the crowd now verging on civil unrest, we took the black ball out of the pocket and placed it back on the table.

The rest of the match was a bit of a blur. Fearful of getting chased out of the pub, we smashed the black around the table until it dropped. Rob emerged victorious. With great haste, we apologised and departed.

Our own snooker abilities aside however, the Red Lion was a lovely pub: 7.5/10.

Red Lion snooker score: Andy 1-1 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 1-1 Rob

Pub: The Red Lion (972 Gleadless Road, S12 2LL)

Rating: 7.5/10

Beer: Premium Best Bitter    

Brewery: Slater's (Stafford, Staffordshire)

NEXT UP: A beautiful man-date, at the Heeley & Sheffield...

Pub 20, Day 6 – The New Inn

By Rob

Well, I’m pleased to see that Andy has elected to take up his fair share of the blogging. I won’t lie to you, doing this alone has been a difficult burden to shoulder. It might have been easier had I just been writing pointless posts that nobody was ever going to read, but when you’re catering to an innumerable array of avid fans who hang upon your every word, it can be difficult.

Now, back to the Gleadless pub run.

We moved from The Punch Bowl down towards The New Inn. In the interest of fairness, I would like to point out that this is my parents' local pub. They love it. Come hell or high water, when Friday evening rolls around they are in that boozer. My dad loves it because it’s the only pub in the area that offers a good selection of real ales. My mum loves it because she can take her dogs inside and beam with pleasure whenever anybody shows even the remotest interest in them.

As for me, I've always found it to be a friendly little pub that is nicely decorated, warm and welcoming. I think it’s safe to say that, of all the pubs within walking distance from my parents' house, this is easily the nicest one there is.

But, as I said, I’m hardly impartial. 

We ordered ourselves a pint of Spire Brewery’s Dark Side of the Moon, which incidentally is also the name of an album by Pink Floyd as well as being a line in what is unquestionably the best song in Disney’s animated musical Mulan. Of course, this beer might never match the commercial success of Pink Floyd’s album, and will surely never be quite as child-appropriate as Mulan, but it was a nice dark mild with just the slightest hint of toffee in the taste.

I should say that Andy was a good deal less content than I was. As he previously mentioned, The New Inn was not showing the World Cup match. Given that the owners were neither Australian nor Dutch, I found the situation somewhat less incredulous than he did. Additionally, given that I don’t care much about football, I found the situation somewhat less upsetting than he did.

So, the New Inn gets a hearty 8/10 from me. It serves nice beer, the staff are friendly and the pub is small enough to be cosy while still big enough to allow you to find a seat. Overall, the most impressive thing about the pub is that it manages to maintain an almost rural feel to it, despite being in the midst of Sheffield’s suburban sprawl and just thirty seconds from a busy dual carriageway.

Pub: The New Inn (282 Hollinsend Road, S12 2NR)

Rating: 8/10

Beer: Dark Side of the Moon    

Brewery: Spire Brewing Company (Chesterfield)

NEXT UP: Upsetting the locals, at The Red Lion...

Pub 19, Day 6 – The Punch Bowl

By Andy

Once again Rob’s laziness strikes, and the blog has fallen behind schedule. This from a guy who spends his spare time dropping out of university courses, yet can’t even rouse himself to pen the blog which he alone chose to undertake.

Having ran out of grandparents to kill off (his go-to excuse whenever his motivation runs dry), he has opted to shame me into contributing – a fairer division of labour will inspire him to blog once more, he claims.

And let’s not kid ourselves, the story of Pubquest needs telling.

So it is that you, our loyal readers (ha) will be blessed with two narrators.

Hence why I find myself dredging the depths of my memory in order to produce a review of a pub that I attended once, for one pint, over six months ago. Like a university essay the night before deadline day, this will require coffee, Haribo, and ample quotations from Wikipedia.

The aptly-named Punch Bowl was to be our next visit, the first in a run of Gleadless pubs we had lined up for the day.

Although the pub once had a reputation for being a bit of a rough’un, it had clearly undergone somewhat of a transformation and had a friendlier feel than expected. However, our worst fears were confirmed when we were greeted by the same predictable pints which plague our Pubquest nightmares. After a deep discussion, we opted to go for John Smith’s Extra Smooth, “the best-selling bitter in the UK.”^[1] When John Smith’s is the most exotic beer on offer, you know the landlord could do with being a touch more adventurous.

Is there any point in me reviewing John Smith’s? It was John Smith’s, the arse-end of beers. On a cold winter’s evening, just before pay-day, in a pub which has ran out of nigh-on every other available drink, it may be an option worth turning to – but on a summer’s afternoon it was all wrong.

Still, the World Cup was on, and the pub was showing the football, so it was an enjoyable visit. Australia vs Holland accompanied our pint – with hindsight, Foster's or Heineken would have been more appropriate.

Halfway through our drink, the pub’s noise level, which until this point consisted of a low murmur, was suddenly cranked up to a slightly higher-pitched murmur – Tim Cahill had just scored the goal which would go on to be voted the 4^th-best goal of 2014 by anyone, anywhere. You know the one, “an unstoppable left-foot volley off the underside of the bar.”^[2] One man pointed at the TV screen. Another raised his eyebrows in appreciation. Rob, whose sole football-viewing experience consisted of a Sheffield United v Colchester United League One match, probably said something along the lines of “that’s nothing compared to what Chris Porter can produce.”

At half time, I made us down our drinks, so that we could get to the next pub for the second half.

Rather predictably, the next pub wasn’t showing the match.

Pub: The Punch Bowl (95 Hurlfield Road, S12 2SF)

Rating: 4.5/10

Pint: John Smith’s Extra Smooth      

Brewery: John Smith's Brewery (Tadcaster, North Yorkshire)

NEXT UP: A trip to Rob's local, at The New Inn...

References:

[1] Wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Smith%27s_Brewery accessed March 2015

[2] Wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_FIFA_World_Cup_Group_B accessed March 2015