Pub 18, Day 5 – Sheffield Water Works Company

By Rob

So this is the first Wetherspoons to be visited during Pubquest. Inevitably, there will be a good number of these popping up later in the list because, as everyone knows, they are everywhere. My feelings towards Wetherspoons are mixed:

On the Downside –

An invasive species, like Japanese knotweed or the grey squirrel, Wetherspoons has killed off a great number of already struggling pubs. In a Darwinian show of fitness, Wetherspoons has proven itself more than able to outperform the smaller chains and individual pubs scattered across the UK. Sheffield is no exception to this.

Naturally, this has erased a good deal of character and individuality from the drinking landscape of many towns and cities, although perhaps not quite as starkly as you might think. Like some sort of body-snatching alien life form, Wetherspoons doesn't flatten pubs and erect one of their own buildings in its place. Instead, each pub adopts an individual name, often related to the premises or the local area, and the exterior stays similar to before. Unsuspecting passersby are lured in, only to discover once inside that they are within the standard ‘Spoons’ environment: A strange mixture of students, old men, and real ale lovers who come in to sample the guest beers.

On the Plus Side –

The beer is cheap. I mean, it’s really cheap. Also, there are always real ales available. We each had a pint of Acorn Darkness.

The Sheffield Waterworks building

Despite Wetherspoons being a chain of pubs, I think each one should be rated individually. The pubs are not entirely uniform and despite the identical drink menus on offer, there is more to a pub than just what it has in stock or how much it charges.

While the interior was typically uniform, it was a spacious and pleasant place. Like many of the Wetherspoons in Sheffield, this one lived inside a large and impressive building. In this instance, it was the former site of the Sheffield Water Works Company.

The Waterworks gets 6.5/10.

Pub: Sheffield Water Works Company (2 Division Street, S1 4GF)

Rating: 6.5/10

Pint: Acorn Darkness     

Brewery: Acorn Brewery (Barnsley)

NEXT UP: A new blogger on the scene, at The Punch Bowl...

Pub 17, Day 5 – The Penny Black

By Rob

On the walk between pubs we recalled all those times that Danny had come close to pulling but, thanks to the inexplicable hostility of fate towards this particular gentleman, had repeatedly missed out at the last minute. We entertained the distinct possibility that he might, in fact, die alone. With this cheery thought fresh in our minds, we found ourselves at the Penny Black.

Across the road from the bus station, this is hardly the greatest looking pub. However, there is a frequently voiced piece of advice that warns us: don’t judge a book by its cover. The Penny Black, while appearing grotty and run-down from the outside, could very well be a different pub on the inside.

Except it wasn’t.

But! There was real ale available and for this we were grateful.

One pint of Ruddles Smooth each for me and Andy.

Sitting there, drinking our pints, we were presented with an invaluable opportunity to critically assess Danny’s technique at engaging with women. What we discovered was that an essential ingredient in a successful strategy is maintaining realistic outcome expectations while also making every effort not to come across creepy and/or weird. A case in point: I remember one night in town where Danny, in a show of alcohol-enhanced confidence, gave his number to a group of girls who then disappeared into the crowded dancefloor.

At the end of that particular night me, him and our friend Zak (mentioned previously) all went back to our flat. The kettle was switched on, tea was poured, and pyjamas were worn. We were sat around getting ready to head to bed when Danny’s mobile rang. It was the girls who, for some reason, had been kicked out of the hotel they were staying in and thus they wanted somewhere to go. Danny, hit with a sudden brainwave, elected to tell the girls that we were currently hosting a party at our flat and told them that they should attend. Of course, the major issue was that we were definitely not having a party. Zak and I were forced to pull some jeans on over the pyjamas, pour away the tea, and put on some music, all while Danny filled up some empty vodka bottles with water to make it look as if we had alcohol in.

Unfortunately, the girls arrived. They entered the flat expecting to see a party, and instead saw three people sat down while some music played quietly in the background. Naturally worried that she had been lured to our flat under false pretences, one girl feared for her safety so much that she locked herself away in our bathroom and phoned one of her male friends for help. This shining beacon of society arrived soon after and safely escorted the girls away. We put our pyjamas back on, gave Danny a pat on the back out of sympathy, and finally went to bed.

The moral of the story is probably something like “Don’t be weird and lie about parties”.

Anyway!

The Penny Black gets 4.5/10. It was by no means horrible, the staff were nice and friendly, and the ale was a surprising find.

Pub: The Penny Black (40 Pond Hill, S1 2BG)

Rating: 4.5/10

Beer: Ruddles Smooth    

Brewery: Greene King Brewery (Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk)

NEXT UP: Our first Wetherspoons, at Sheffield Water Works Company...

Pub 16, Day 5 – Sheffield Tap

By Rob

Me and Andy are not above charitable acts and, as such, we offered an invitation to our mate Danny. A fellow who hasn’t really had success with a member of the opposite sex since 2009, it’s understandable why we felt the need to extend the hand of friendship and bring him out with us on a little bit of Pubquest.

The Sheffield Tap is a fantastic pub, built into the train station and offering a great view of the railways. It’s got an old fashioned, Victorian-esque feel to it and has an excellent range of real ales, which is handy for all those real ale enthusiasts and those few sad people who are trying to drink a different pint in every pub in Sheffield.

Permanently in a state of predatory bachelorism, Danny took the opportunity to subtly stare at every female in the place. You might think that being stared at from across a room would be interpreted as a compliment, but it definitely is not. Additionally, while Danny is a lovely guy, he suffers from a small problem, which is that he lusts after girls several orders of magnitude more attractive than himself.

Sheffield Tap gets 9/10 for its good beers and unique charm – we each finished a pint of Bakewell Best Bitter, except for Danny who had a Carling.

Pub: Sheffield Tap (Platform 1B, Sheffield Station, Sheaf Street, S1 2BP)

Rating: 9/10

Pint: Bakewell Best Bitter    

Brewery: Peak Ales (Bakewell)

NEXT UP: From the train station to the bus station, at The Penny Black...

Pub 15, Day 4 – Nottingham House

By Rob

So there we were, me and Andy enjoying a nice pint of Kronenbourg Cold Premiere in the comfort of the Nottingham House, a pleasant little student pub in Broomhill. We spy a stack of old board games resting on the window ledge and decide to have a little game of Connect Four. Well, it soon gets heated as we realise that we're both pretty good at this game. The friendliness melts away, leaving behind only a cold, keen desire to win.

Now, you might ask "how exciting can a game of Connect Four possibly be?" Well, the answer will surprise you. A couple of people looked over to watch our game, evidently enthralled by the sportsmanship on display. Noticing the audience's rapt attention, we point out that there is another game of Connect Four in the pile, and before you know it we had a mini-tournament in place. This is how it went: (I forget the names of the other guys involved)

Round 1:

Rob vs. Challenger 1.             Andy vs. Challenger 2.

(Rob wins)                              (Andy wins)

 

Round 2:

Rob vs. Andy

(Andy won, by playing in an unsportsmanlike way)

It's fair to say that we were both pretty pleased about making the final round of this tournament. It felt like a big deal. I was not pleased in the least to lose to Andy in the end, and here's why...

...I don't know how good the average person is at Connect Four, but we were well above average, throwing in all kind of complex maneuvers and always trying to keep three steps ahead of the opponent. The way we played it transformed it into chess. Because we'd gotten to such an advanced level, I was not prepared for Andy to play the pretty low-level standard horizontal line. That's basic stuff, and I thought there was an understanding between us that we were playing above that. But Andy, intent on winning, played this move that was so straightforward that I had completely overlooked it.

 

Suffice to say that I'm still bitter about this.

Nottingham House, despite being the venue for my crushing defeat in the finale of a tournament that Sheffield students still talk about, gets 7.5/10.

Notty House Connect 4 score: Andy 1-0 Rob

Pubquest Connect 4 score: Andy 1-0 Rob

Pub: Nottingham House (164 Whitham Road, S10 2SR)

Rating: 7.5/10

Pint: Kronenbourg Cold Premiere   

Brewery: Kronenbourg Brewery (Obernai, France)

NEXT UP: All aboard, for the Sheffield Tap...

Pub 14, Day 3 – The Washington

By Rob

We headed into town that night, after having sufficiently pre-drank and walked off the resultant calories. Before going to the usual haunts, we figured we could tick one final pub off. As such, we went to The Washington.

It was a pretty weird place inside. Despite definitely being a pub, it was almost nothing like one. Or at least, 50% of it looked nothing like one. The left-hand side was fairly standard, with a bar and seating. The other half, however, contained a dancefloor area that looked rather like a converted garage. On one side of the pub, people were sat on bar stools, sipping pints of beer, while just six feet away students were flinging themselves around with their vodka mixers to the thump, thump, thump of not-very-pub-like music.

We each ordered a pint of Moonshine, a popular pale ale from Abbeydale Brewery. I'm not the world's biggest pale ale fan, as I tend to prefer slightly darker beers, but I've always been partial to a pint of Moonshine, which I think is testament to the beer's light taste and its immense drinkability (Shakespeare made up his own words, so why can't I?). Sipping our pints, we crossed the Pub-Nightclub Parallel  – the invisible dividing line that separated the two halves of The Washington – and stepped into the bizarre garage dance hall. 

Sitting with his back against the wall, amidst all the music and grooving, was COWBOY KEITH! Our enigmatic friend with the wide-brimmed hat was nursing a Guinness and looking as sharp as ever. The Washington, it transpired, was a favourite of his.

It also transpired that Cowboy Keith is not actually a cowboy, but is in fact a dental support worker. After some discussion, we all agreed that Dental Support Worker Keith didn't quite have the same ring to it. He suggested that we could just call him Keith, which we explained was an even more ridiculous idea. We settled on Cowboy Keith.

Pub: The Washington (79 Fitzwilliam Street, S1 4JP)

Rating: 7/10

Pint: Moonshine  

Brewery: Abbeydale Brewery (Sheffield)

NEXT UP: The winner takes it all, at Nottingham House... 

Pub 13, Day 3 – The Foxwood

By Rob 

As a couple of other pubs were shut, this was the last one on the walk. As far as pubs were concerned, the journey had been a minimal success. However in terms of our fitness and well-being, I personally felt justified in not needing to exercise again for the month.

Our final venue provided a unique set-up for the suburbs: it was half-pub-half-nightclub.

Facing the road is The Embassy (club), while hidden round the back is The Foxwood (pub). Together they form a bizarre joint venture – although the strangest part of all is that the locals love it. The two venues often put on complementary nights (e.g. 80s-night in The Foxwood, 90s-night in The Embassy), and on particularly busy evenings they pull up the partition completely and offer the dancefloor to ravers and pub-dwellers alike.

On our visit the partition was in place, rendering The Foxwood a disappointment. There were few drinks to choose from, so we selected a pint of Caffrey's.

While there's little for me to say about The Foxwood, its business partner is a much livelier proposition. The Embassy is not your typical nightclub: it's quite small, it's only open on a Friday night, and it's not even remotely near town. Whereas The Ball Inn lacked the danger that its reputation had suggested, The Embassy certainly does not.

I've been into The Embassy on two occasions. The first time I went in there with a couple of friends, Andy and Danny (who makes a guest appearance at the Sheffield Tap). I can't remember if we went there to be ironic, or if we genuinely thought it might be OK – perhaps town seemed too far to travel that night. An hour into the experience, tired of treading on broken glass and watching the bouncers drag people outside, we opted to leave.

The second occasion was much worse. Firstly, I was in there with my parents. Again, I'm not sure what perverse lunacy had led me to think it might be a good idea. This time we lasted about half an hour. I went into the loos and came up against a group of lads quite casually enjoying a cheeky little bit of crack. A few threats were thrown at me, and I decided that maybe I wasn't quite so desperate for the toilet as I first thought. The only problem was that my body, my bladder in particular, disagreed with this assessment of affairs. So I nipped outside, did what I had to do, and then came back in. I think it's fair to say that when you have to leave the venue for a wee in order to avoid getting stabbed, it's probably not the place you want to spend your evening. I pulled my parents away before they thought to hit the dancefloor.

Anyway, back to The Foxwood. It got 5/10, if only for being nothing like The Embassy.

Pub: The Foxwood (57 Mansfield Road, S12 2AG)

Rating: 5/10

Pint: Caffrey's Irish Ale 

Brewery: Molson Coors Brewing Company (Burton-upon-Trent)

NEXT UP: A cowboy in Washington 

Pub 12, Day 3 – The Ball Inn

By Rob

The walk between Barry's and The Ball Inn is a pretty lengthy one. It requires those involved to walk up the tragically steep Granville Road and then traverse the equally steep and yet much longer stretch of hill that is City Road, finally coming out at Manor Top. Unbelievably, this trek of several miles goes past no pubs. It wasn't until heading down the other side of Manor Top that we came to such a place.

A DeLorean we passed along the way

I'd never been in The Ball Inn, but I'd only heard bad things about it. Inside, the place was hardly The Ritz, but considering that most of the negative stories related to stabbings, shootings and other violent causes of death, I had to admit I was pleasantly surprised by how little we were attacked.

Sadly, the pub was overwhelmingly nondescript and just a little too dark. The range of drinks on offer was, unsurprisingly, very limited. Gritting our teeth at the prospect of having to tick off a common beer so early in the journey, we each ordered a pint of Tetley's Cask. Fortunately, the Cask proved to be a nice beer – with a fuller flavour than the more common Smooth Flow – and we left feeling mildly refreshed.

While in the pub, the majority of our time was spent trying to figure out whether or not the barmaid was somebody we'd known back in our schooldays. Squinting across the shaded premises, I wasn't so sure. Andy, on the other hand, was confident that we were looking at the real deal and, as such, wanted to go over and say hello. My mind flashed back to a time when, during the 'famous faces' round of a pub quiz, Andy was convinced that the young black man before us was, in fact, Paul Daniels (the ageing, very much Caucasian magician). Knowing how poor my compatriot's powers of facial recognition were, I managed to dissuade him from making what would have surely been a grave social error. 

Pub: The Ball Inn (43 Mansfield Road, S12 2AG)

Rating: 4.5/10

Pint: Tetley's Cask

Brewery: Carlsberg Group (Northampton)

NEXT UP: Drugs and dancefloors, at The Foxwood...

Pub 11, Day 3 – Barry's [The Return]

By Rob

As the first blog detailed, Barry's had been an interesting experience. Andy's weird, impromptu handjob from a mentalist had caused him to forget to finish his drink. The rules being what they are, we had no choice but to revisit and finish a pint.

Barry's is not a great looking place. It looks no better in the daylight. We ordered two pints of Red Stripe, but something was amiss with the pumps and we ended up with two pints of snakebite. As two people who cannot stand cider, and yet who didn't want to upset poor old Barry, we sat and winced our way through these drinks.

Upon request, Barry brought out two plates of mutton and rice. It was delicious, even managing to make me forget the taste of Strongbow/piss that was stuck to my tongue. This time both drinks were finished, alongside two plates of food, and poor Andy left Barry's without even so much as a hint of a handjob this time.

Pub: Barry's (96-98 London Road, S2 4LR)

Rating: 10/10

Pint: Red Stripe

Brewery: Desnoes & Geddes (Kingston, Jamaica)

NEXT UP: Time-machines and magicians, at The Ball Inn...

Pub 10, Day 3 – The Place

By Rob

Here's a riddle. What looks like a Wetherspoons, sounds like a Wetherspoons, feels like a Wetherspoons and yet is not, in fact, a Wetherspoons? The answer is The Place.

I have no idea if this pub is part of a chain or whether the landlord just decided that he really loved Wetherspoons, but the similarity is startling. That being said, the place was fine! A pint of Jaipur was ordered and, still only thirty feet away from my flat's front door, we contemplated how many pubs we would find along the walk.

Wetherspoons The Place gets 6/10.

Pub: The Place (Nile Street, S10 2PN)

Rating: 6/10

Pint: Jaipur

Brewery: Thornbridge Brewery (Bakewell)

NEXT UP: Finishing off what we started, at Barry's...

Pub 9, Day 3 – Fox & Duck

By Rob

A Bit of a Pause...

Now, it's definitely fair to say that there has been a bit of a break between this blog and the last one. A break of about a year, to be exact. The sad fact is that Andy, for paltry reasons like his job and life prospects, moved away from Sheffield. As such, the whole thing hit a bit of a slow-down.

However, Pubquest is back in action and, admittedly on my part, there has been a little laziness in play. There are some posts that have sat in My Documents, covered in digital dust and waiting to be uploaded. Posts such as this little treat for instance!

***

At this time I lived in a small, two-bedroom flat in Broomhill. I was blessed that day with a visit from Andy and, after a brief discussion, we came up with a special session of Pubquest. You see, we were worried that since Pubquest required us to drink somewhere in the region of five hundred pints, it was a near-inevitability that we would get a little fat in the process. Of course, five hundred pints of beer come replete with other, arguably more serious, health concerns that we didn't really dwell on. It says a lot about our priorities at the time that we were primarily troubled over the prospect of a beer belly.

As such, we made the decision to walk from my flat in Broomhill to my parent's house, visiting every pub we found en route. This, we had cleverly deduced, would burn off the calories that we consumed from the drinks. The walk was about five miles, hardly a marathon, but given that a great deal of it was uphill we certainly felt that it was a clever move. 

The first pub, the Fox & Duck, looked very much like an old man's drinking den that was, strangely, a place owned by Sheffield Students' Union. We ordered a pint of Broadside, which was a decidedly average pint. The pub's "bring your own food" policy makes it a perfect spot for cash-strapped students, who can just nip across to one of the many local takeaways and enjoy their food in the reasonable comfort of a not unpleasant establishment.

Pub: Fox & Duck (223-227 Fulwood Road, S10 3BA)

Rating: 6.5/10

Beer: Broadside

Brewery: Adnams (Southwold, Suffolk)

NEXT UP: A riddle to solve, at The Place...