Pub 39, Day 14 – University Arms

By Andy

Every now and again, there's an article in the paper about a child genius, some kid whose intelligence is so great that the teachers have no choice but to move them up a couple of school years in a desperate bid to keep them challenged.

Robert Heffron, my drinking partner, is the reverse of this. Come the end of each academic year, he can be found in exam halls up and down the country, plumbing new depths of intellectual ineptitude.

With a lorryload of excuses and a GCSE in drama, he then proceeds to convince some gullible institution that he deserves a second chance, before misplacing their trust in heartbreaking fashion.

As a result of this, and despite never taking a gap-year, Rob is now several years older than his fellow students.

Consequently, it has become standard practice that whenever Rob is invited out for a drink by his classmates, he brings me along.

The benefits to this are twofold: first, our combined influence enables us to bypass the planning committee and pick a random pub as the venue. With our added years of experience, if any youngster dares question our judgement, we merely need remind them that we were drinking beer whilst they were hooked on breast-milk.

Secondly, I can help convince the whipper-snappers that no, a nightclub on a weeknight might not be such a great idea. This finally offers some much-needed respite for Rob's liver, which has been stuck in student mode for far longer than is medically wise.

On this occasion, in an attempt to keep everyone happy we selected University Arms, a Sheffield University local with a decidedly unoriginal name.

Fortunately, whoever chose the name clearly didn't design the place: a mixture of traditional pub features and student bar traits leaves the University Arms with a unique feel – certainly a cut above the identikit student pubs which spring up around most universities.

Pop out the back on the majority of evenings and you will be greeted by a spacious, sedate beer garden, perfect for relaxing in the sun with your feet up. However, during Tramlines, the space is transformed into a rather hectic gig venue, with moshing, headbanging and spilled drinks galore.

Back at the bar, a row of inviting cask ales compete with a snazzily designed cocktail menu. But that's not to say the Uni Arms spreads itself too thin – the ales on offer rival Sheffield's most renowned pubs in both quantity and quality.

Not only does this make the Uni Arms an enjoyable place to drink, but the pub also manages to avoid the side effects which often accompany an array of well-conditioned ales: customers nearing death, pub quizzes which are intolerably difficult, food menus which border on incomprehensible. The pub's location in the centre of the university sprawl ensures that the output stays fresh.

Pubquest rules clearly state that in order for us to tick off an establishment, we have to drink a pint. With the cocktail menu in front of us, we briefly considered ordering a pint of Martini, before returning to our senses and opting for Hop A Doodle Doo – a smooth bitter from Brewster's brewery which proved both easy to drink and difficult to put down.

Heading upstairs, we discovered a warren of rooms each with a purpose more unfathomable than the last. First, we stumbled into an office room that we were clearly not meant to be in – a middle-aged man glanced up from his computer to give us a stern glare. After offering our apologies, we turned on our heels and walked through door number two.

At first glance this room appeared to be a function room, although what sort of function was going on was anyone's guess – about fifteen people were sat in a circle in apparent silence, and none of them offered any sort of reaction to our arrival. For the second time in quick succession we apologised and left, with absolutely no idea what we had disturbed – our guesses ranged from an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to a religious cult (although with hindsight, hosting an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in a pub seems a tad short-sighted).

By this point, we were beginning to lose all hope of finding a room resembling normality. With nowhere left to turn, we headed for door number three. Turning the handle with a degree of trepidation, we were delighted to discover a snooker room!

Hidden away in the farthest corner, this proved to be the pub's greatest feature – with a relatively cheap snooker table and contemporary Sheffield art adorning the walls, it's tough to think of a more relaxing setting. Granted, the snooker table is not full-size, but this only serves to boost your confidence – with shorter distances involved, the game finally appears as easy as the version they play on TV.

However, the University Arms is critically endangered – Sheffield University's new “Campus Masterplan” advocates knocking the pub down in favour of expanding the Faculty of Science.

In Pubquest's opinion, that would be a real shame – Sheffield University does not enjoy the advantages of being a campus university, so to tear down it's lone pioneer would be to further splinter the students' social life from their work life.

It doesn't need a rocket scientist to predict which side of the debate we will take. But then again, if the Faculty of Science wants to replace an independent pub with lecture halls, perhaps those rocket scientists aren't as clever as they're made out to be...

Uni Arms snooker score: Andy 2-2 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 4-3 Rob

Pub: University Arms (197 Brook Hill, S3 7HG)

Rating: 8.5/10

Pint: Hop A Doodle Doo 

Brewery: Brewster's Brewery (Grantham, Lincolnshire)

NEXT UP: From Sheffield Uni to Hallam Uni, at The Globe...

Pub 38, Day 13 – Red Deer

By Rob

Clean and refreshed after sitting in The Bath together, we headed over to the Red Deer. As with The Hallamshire House, this pub and I had become rather well acquainted thanks to a number of semi-remembered, beer-soaked evenings during which my university work sat at home, neglected and alone. As such, the customarily maintained veneer of objectivity goes straight out of the window while writing this.

The Red Deer is an old pub, dating back to 1825. Originally a lot smaller, in the 1980s it was extended and reconfigured, creating the single, large, L-shaped room that exists today. The raised section of the pub at the rear, nicknamed "the gallery", was added in the early 90s. Around this time the business was owned by Tetley, who asked the Sheffield branch of CAMRA to nominate the best Tetley pub in the city. The Red Deer was chosen and the award, a plaque-mounted hand-pump, can be seen on the wall.^[1]

It was in "the gallery" that me and Andy decided to set up our very temporary home, but not before ordering two pints of Bramble Stout (winner of West Midlands CAMRA Beer of the Year 2011). The pub had a good choice when it came to craft beers, which was great news for both real ale enthusiasts and people trying to drink a different pint in every pub in Sheffield. Falling partly into the first category and solidly into the second, we were more than content.

Inside, the pub was warm and quite snug. It's the sort of place that's perfect on a cold winter's night and, thanks to its small yet utterly pleasant beer garden, it has an appeal during the warmer seasons too. The award winning Bramble Stout was a pleasure to drink, with a chocolatey taste and fruity undertones it was right up our alley, thereby reaffirming our long-held belief that the men and women of West Midlands CAMRA have exceptionally good taste.

Sat there merrily working my way towards the bottom of the glass, my eyes lit up at the sight of the board games piled against one wall. After all, I had been beaten with an alarming degree of consistency at both pool and snooker (and don't think for a moment that the passage of almost three years had done anything to lessen the sting of losing at connect four).

Springing out of my seat and rifling through the assorted collection, I came across a chess set. The proud owner of a junior-school chess trophy and the one-time captain of the chess team at Intake Primary School (circa 2002), I saw this as my opportunity to beat Andy in at least one competitive endeavour. Setting the pieces up, I settled in for an easy victory.

I must confess, I was taken aback by Andy's aggressive play style. It later transpired that he had no overarching strategy and was just trying to take any piece he could while moving absolutely everything forward. This tabletop reconstruction of the Normandy beach landings initially put me on the defensive and, at one point, Andy was technically winning.

I genuinely had to face the prospect of defeat.

Fortunately, once accustomed to his reckless blitzkrieg, I managed to respond effectively and began to chip away at his board presence. After steadily regaining the advantage, I finally secured the checkmate I was looking for and thus, thankfully, averted the need to fling myself in front of a tram.

Packing away the pieces and downing the last dregs of our drinks, we left the pub with smiles on our faces and, for once, mine might have been wider than Andy's.

Red Deer chess score: Rob 1-0 Andy

Pubquest chess score: Rob 1-0 Andy

Pub: The Red Deer (18 Pitt Street, S1 4DD)

Rating: 9/10

Pint: Bramble Stout

Brewery: Burton Bridge Brewery (Burton upon Trent)

NEXT UP: Drinking with the students, at the University Arms...

References:
[1] http://www.red-deer-sheffield.co.uk/history.htm

Pub 37, Day 13 – The Bath Hotel

By Andy

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

― Alexander Pope

I must have walked past The Bath Hotel a thousand times. Tiny, shabby, and usually with a skip outside, I had very little desire to venture in.

However, Pubquest contains no get-out clause for skipping pubs we don't like the look of – sooner or later we had to get in The Bath.

Upon arrival, the first thing to note is that The Bath is not reminiscent of the Tardis – tiny from the outside, it seems even cosier once you're in. The second thing to note is that it is unquestionably one of the finest pubs in the region.

Most pubs have a couple of beers that I like. However, choosing your pint at The Bath is more akin to ordering food at a restaurant – only once you have read every option at least twice and painstakingly talked everyone through your thought process can you even consider making a decision.

We eventually plumped for Chocolate Marble, a porter which didn't taste of chocolate but did keep us hooked with its smoky, roasted kick.

A mere selection of The Bath's taps

One of the main reasons for starting Pubquest in the first place was the desire to drink more diverse pints than could be found in just one pub – halfway through our visit to The Bath I was almost tempted to knock the entire thing on the head and come here every night instead.

And it wasn't just the beers we were enjoying. The atmosphere in The Bath treads fine lines with the ease of an expert tightrope-walker – quiet enough to keep you happy yet busy enough to keep you entertained; friendly enough to feel welcoming but not so overpowering that you feel like the new kid at school.

Good Pub Guides were scattered nonchalantly about the place, each one dedicating a page or more to our location. Self-absorbed perhaps, but if you were writing a Good Pub Guide and neglected to include The Bath, you would need to seriously re-examine your criteria.

By the end of our visit, I was chuckling to myself at the new arrivals who were deliberating over their pint choice as if ordering food at a restaurant. After trying almost everything on the menu, I had realised that whichever beer you went for, it was guaranteed to be a success.

Pub: The Bath Hotel (66 Victoria Street, S3 7QL)
Rating: 9.5/10
Pint: Chocolate Marble
Brewery: Marble Brewery (Manchester)

NEXT UP: A knight to remember, at the Red Deer...

Pub 36, Day 12 – The Springvale

By Andy

Some people will tell you that The Springvale is the runt of the Commonside triplets.

Those people will say that it fails to offer the range of beers that The Hallamshire House does, and doesn't serve the quality of food which can be found at The Closed Shop.

They probably don't know about The Springvale's selection of real ales, ranging from the classics to the obscure.

They certainly aren't aware of its terrific Sunday lunches, which pile more food on to a plate than I thought possible.

In fact, The Springvale completes the Commonside trilogy – like Back To The Future, each instalment brings something new to the table.

A stunning photo of The Springvale, by Gordie Cavill

A large pub with an excellent view over the city, The Springvale lacks a touch of the quirkiness which characterises its nearby rivals. While this is not in itself a bad thing, the glossy decor can sometimes remind you that it's part of a chain.

It does however possess one crucial attribute which elevates the pub to 'Revisit' status – a 50p pool table. Joining such esteemed company as the Star & Garter and The Royal Standard, the half-price games ensured we stayed for many more pints than planned. Our beer of choice was Fuller’s Front Row, a refreshing session ale which models itself as “the perfect pint for any rugby occasion”, but was equally enjoyable during a frame of pool.

We hogged the table all night, evenly splitting six frames. Not bad for £3.

Springvale Pool Score: Andy 3-3 Rob

Pubquest Pool Score: Andy 33-23 Rob

Pub: The Springvale (1 Commonside, S10 1GA)
Rating: 7.5/10
Pint: Front Row 
Brewery: Fuller's (London)

NEXT UP: Shattering preconceptions, at The Bath Hotel...

Pub 35, Day 12 – The Hallamshire House

By Rob

Andy, beads of sweat running down his face from the strain, pulled the unconscious driver from the wreckage of the crumpled car. Just seconds earlier, I had managed to wrench the passenger-side door open, thus enabling him to reach inside and accomplish his feat of heroism. All of this, you understand, while the car was aflame and just seconds from exploding. Afterwards, the firemen arrived at the scene, visibly impressed by our miraculous rescue and muscular ―

―"No," Andy interjected. "Let's just stick to the traffic jam story."

He was right. The best lies are the simple ones.

Stepping through the door of The Hallamshire House almost an hour late, three sets of unhappy faces swivelled around, their scowls and frowns pointed very clearly in our direction. We swallowed nervously, preparing ourselves to deliver the hastily rehearsed excuse that we had concocted over at The Closed Shop.

Andy stepped forward to begin our explanation. But as he opened his mouth to speak, I noticed something. With a sudden stab of panic, I realised that we were about to dig our hole even deeper.

But it was too late. Andy, with an impressive degree of confidence and conviction, began to explain the unfortunate – and completely fabricated – travel complications that we had encountered along the road. To their credit, our friends sat there silently as they listened. My heart sank deeper with each word. When Andy had finished, he turned to look at me; I couldn't bring myself to meet his hopeful gaze.

There was, for what seemed like a very long time, silence.

Finally, one of them spoke.

"We just saw you leave The Closed Shop."

This catastrophic revelation actually made a lot of sense, given that they were all sat by the large front window which looked directly onto The Closed Shop – a glaringly obvious fact that I had become aware of moments too late.

After vocalising a stream of obsequious apologies we walked over to the bar and readied ourselves for what we thought might be a frosty evening.

Except it wasn't.

Even the cold hostility of our justifiably miffed coterie quickly thawed out in the warm atmosphere of The Hallamshire House. The pub is an absolute treasure. In fact, I'm prepared to go even further in my praise.

At the time of writing this blog, The Hallamshire House is my favourite pub in Sheffield.

Now, this is a bold statement and before it hits the papers I would like to explain myself:

1. The pub looks fantastic: It might sound odd, but decorating a pub is a tricky business. There's a fine line between traditional and tacky, and an even finer one between trendy and pretentious. The Hallamshire House is on the right side of both, with its old-fashioned pictures and brass tables and a distinct lack of "quirky" fixtures.

2. There's a huge range of great ales: Although plenty of pubs in this day and age can boast a long line-up of guest beers, The Hallamshire House has an unusually large number of ales that I really, really like.

3. The outdoor seating area is a really nice surprise: You have to go downstairs to find it and, having already demonstrated my poor observational skills when it comes to architecture, it took me a few visits to discover its existence. A lovely decking area, it has a mixture of covered and uncovered seating amidst a forest of plants and greenery.

4. The snooker room might just be the nicest one in the city: Of course, we may visit a pub next week that can boast of owning a superior specimen, but as things stand this wood-panelled beauty is the one to beat.

Anyway, now that I've finished salivating, allow me to tell you that we both ordered a pint of Colorado Red. A strong ale at over 6%, it was a beautiful pint. I'm a huge fan of red ale, which you don't see that often, so I was in my element.

Could things get better?

Two words: pub quiz.

On the verge of slipping into a euphoric coma, I procured a quiz sheet and we immediately set to work on the famous faces. For us, this meant ten minutes of hopelessly ascribing incorrect names to unknown pictures. When you're at the point where you're having to explain that Paul Daniels is not a black man in his thirties, you know the celebrity round is a lost cause.

We fared a bit better on the questions, but were by no means in the running for the victor's crown. Not that it mattered, as by the end of the quiz I had imbibed three pints of strong ale and felt immune to anything but good cheer.

After some convincing, we persuaded everyone to relocate to the snooker room. Having been continually battered by Andy at pool throughout our travels, I saw this as an opportunity to pull ahead in at least one cue sport. I picked up the chalk, smiled that I-know-you're-better-than-me-which-will-make-beating-you-fantastic smile, and played...

 ...For about ten minutes before it became obvious that I was going to lose.

At the start of the game it transpired that the coin machine for the table light was broken. As such, the trusting souls at the pub had switched the light on and set up an 'honesty box' that politely asked players to deposit their money. Of course, nobody was enforcing this and it was entirely open to abuse.

If you need any further proof of my love for this pub then look no further, because despite my habitual loathing for personal financial expenditure (a facet of my personality that played a large role in our search for the 50p pool table) I, along with Andy, paid up.

Eventually the game ended and, just as with the quiz, I hadn't even come close to winning. However, unlike with the quiz, the shame was mine alone to carry. The Pubquest snooker score thus stands at 2-1 in favour of Andy.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Pub closing time was fast approaching and we had another venue in our crosshairs. With a heavy heart we finished our drinks and made our way to the exit.

As for the rating? I’m sure it will come as no surprise that The Hallamshire House has earned the magic ten, securing for itself a place in the Pubquest Hall of Fame alongside the only other pub to have thus far climbed to such dizzying heights. I am talking, of course, about the infamous Barry's.

I think it’s probably safe to say that this is the first time that these two establishments have been ranked side-by-side in any sort of league table.

Hallamshire House snooker score: Andy 1-0 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 2-1 Rob

Pub: The Hallamshire House (49-51 Commonside, S10 1GF)

Rating: 10/10

Pint: Colorado Red

Brewery: Thornbridge Brewery (Bakewell)

NEXT UP: Finding a bargain, at The Springvale...

Pub 34, Day 12 – The Closed Shop

By Andy

I once read that only optimistic people are late. The theory goes that if your glass is half-full, you think you can achieve more than is possible in any given period of time. Of course, you then go on to fail spectacularly and piss off all your mates by turning up at twenty-past.

On this occasion, me and Rob had arranged to meet a few friends outside The Hallamshire House at 8pm. Ending up on the same bus as each other, we both arrived at 7:55. Whilst waiting for the others, it came to our attention that we were just yards away from The Closed Shop, another pub we had yet to visit. One quick drink, we reasoned, would hardly be a hanging offence. An in-and-out job: up to the bar, order a pint, gulp it down and be back at The Hallamshire for 8:00. No problem.

It took about 30 seconds before our optimistic plan went spectacularly wrong.

We ordered two pints of Vespers, a porter from Abbeydale Brewery. The barman was halfway through pulling our pints when tragedy struck. The reassuring sound of pint-pouring was replaced by a sharp hissing noise. The coal-coloured liquid oozing into the glass was replaced by nothing but foam.

“Sorry guys, it's gone. You'll have to have one Vespers and one of something else. Into The Abyss is quite similar.”

Me and Rob looked at each other aghast. We spluttered, we swore, we clasped our hands to our heads in disappointment. The barman had presumably never seen anyone quite so distraught by such mundane news

“But this is Pubquest! We're visiting every pub in Sheffield, and having a different pint in each one! It is absolutely out of the question that we don't drink the same thing. I suggest you get on the phone to Abbeydale Brewery, and demand they bring you another barrel of Vespers immediately!” we thought.

“Yeah that's fine, no worries, we'll have one Vespers and one Into The Abyss,” we said.

The pints came. I didn't even care which was which. We slumped off to a table to begin the inquest.

“Well this doesn't count,” announced Rob.

I agreed. We couldn't start drinking different pints to each other, or it would be possible for one of us to succeed at Pubquest while the other failed. Whatever the outcome, we had to either triumph as a team or go down in a blaze of glory together.

There was only one option: we had to finish these pints, then return to the bar and order again. Our quick drink at The Closed Shop had already turned into two.

Rob got out his phone to compose a text: “Sorry, gonna be 5 minutes late, we're stuck in a bit of traffic at the moment.” We couldn't quite bring ourselves to admit we were across the road, drinking without them.

To pass the time we hit the pool table. I took the first frame just as we finished our drinks. On our second trip to the bar, we went for two pints of Hophead. Thankfully, there was enough to go around.

By 8:15, things were looking rosy again. Hophead was a lovely light pint, a delight to drink quickly. It would simply be one more frame of pool and a few more sips of beer until we emerged from the traffic jam.

Unfortunately, disaster struck again.

I must admit, this one was my own fault. I cracked under the pressure. With just one sip of my Hophead left, I was on the black ball. Perfect timing. Taking my last gulp, I rolled the black into the middle pocket.

Except it missed. Catching the inside jaw a fraction too early, it settled roughly 0.01mm from glory. Rob made no mistake, levelling the session at one frame each. As any self-respecting man knows, you can't leave a pool match at 1-1...

“Best of three?” Rob asked. I had already put the coin in the slot.

Rob went to get the next round in. As any self-respecting man knows, you can't play a frame of pool without a pint in your hand...

While I was waiting for Rob's return, I got out my phone to send an update: “Still stuck in traffic I'm afraid. Think there must have been an accident or something...”

I also took the opportunity to cast my eye around the pub. A lovely old-fashioned ale house, The Closed Shop had transformed itself from “a quick pint” to somewhere we didn't want to leave. With a raised pool table and a selection of books and board games, it had enough facilities to keep me entertained for hours. A nearby group had ordered food and it looked spectacular – a towering burger and proper chips. Needless to mention the pub had a breathtaking array of beers – Vespers, Into The Abyss and Hophead had all hit the spot.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the only problem with the entire pub was that the pool table clearly had a burning, passionate hatred for me. In the deciding frame, the pockets kept rejecting my shots, the balls ricocheting away into unpottable positions. In contrast, Rob couldn't miss, and he soon wrapped up the win.

Inebriated to the tune of 3 pints and optimistic to the tune of 45 minutes, we finally crossed the road to meet our friends.

Closed Shop pool score: Andy 1-2 Rob

Pubquest pool score: Andy 30-20 Rob

Pub: The Closed Shop (52-54 Commonside, S10 1GG)
Rating: 9/10
Pint: Hophead  
Brewery: Dark Star Brewing Company (Partridge Green, West Sussex)

NEXT UP: Making excuses, at The Hallamshire House...

Pub 33, Day 11 – Star & Garter

The Quest for the 50p Pool Table

Volume Three: The Return of the Bloggers

By Rob

This blog is the third in a trilogy of posts. Together, they detail our epic search for a 50p pool table and all the adventures along the way. 

***

Standing on Winter Street, Crookesmoor, it is instantly apparent that you're in a student area. The immediate landscape is dominated by university architecture, ranging from the one-time tallest building in the city, the Arts Tower, to the redbrick sprawl of Bartolome House.

Visit during term time and the street is teeming with students moving from lecture to seminar, from Western Bank Library to the green pleasantry of Crookes Valley Park. The pedestrian traffic has an average age of nineteen and the whole place reeks of youthful optimism, aspiration, and emptied overdrafts.

Yet there is something strangely out of place within this picture.

Its name?

The Star & Garter.

One remarkable thing about this small pub is that, despite being situated on a prime student thoroughfare and thus in an excellent position to cash in, it's a notably non-student establishment.

Like me, you may be tempted to offer congratulations to the landlord on this point. There's something dignified about a local pub, for local residents, resisting the temptation to change course and transmogrify itself into a student pub. Native Sheffielders need a watering hole too, and it stands to reason that they might prefer their pint without an accompanying horde of rowdy punters at least half their age.

Unfortunately, congratulations are not a recognised form of legal tender and the local residents who do partake of the S&G's services are strikingly few in number. As such, the pub has been teetering on a knife-edge for some time - a "To Let" sign outside has been there for so long that it's practically a structural fixture.

It would appear that the management isn't unaware of this. A small sign by the door now weakly and unconvincingly proclaims "Students Welcome". Sadly, it will take much greater efforts to reverse the pub's declining fortunes and convince the student population, who are all too willing to part with their money in exchange for alcohol, to venture inside.

Like many of my fellow university attendees, I'd walked past the pub a thousand times without ever thinking about popping in. After all, it was notorious for how unfriendly it was to student visitors. But one user on Sheffield Forum had just brought this pub crashing to the forefront of my mind. According to this anonymous hero, the S&G once harboured a pool table. This table, he claimed, used to be 50p a game.

As someone who looked very much like a student, I was dubious about venturing inside. After all, the only thing I knew about the place was that I wouldn't be welcome.

But what else could we do? Did the Hobbits shy away from journeying to Mordor just because they'd heard it was full of orcs? Did Luke Skywalker turn his fighter around and fly away from the Death Star, just because he'd heard it might be filled with Stormtroopers? And what, I ask you, would have happened to the wizarding world if Harry Potter had thrown in the towel because he'd once overheard someone say that his nemesis was a homicidal lunatic?

Not wanting to be outdone by Hobbits, Jedi and teenagers, we steeled ourselves against the cold wintery afternoon chill and made our way from The Graduate to the other side of the city centre. Before too long, we found ourselves standing outside that small and uninviting building in the midst of a student kingdom. Like the brave men of the north we were, we strode boldly inside.

The first thing to say is that, on the inside, it looked exactly as we'd imagined: small, dark, and poorly decorated. A few locals were leant against the bar listening to an overloud and eclectic playlist, but otherwise the place was empty.

The second thing to say is that everything I had heard about the hostile atmosphere appeared to be rubbish. The bar staff were more than happy to have us inside and while the locals didn't leap up from their seats to embrace us, they didn't glare at us either.

Happy about not being threatened with fists and sharp implements, we glanced around the dimly lit interior.

Then, at the far side of the pub we saw it.

The pool table stood there, empty and inviting. The sight of it's not-entirely-pristine baize was like water to a man dying in the desert. Hearts racing, we moved towards it.

Each step lasted a lifetime, each breath consumed an age. We had traversed the endless hills of Sheffield for this moment. Trusting in nothing but the word of a stranger, we had come here, to this rarely visited spot at the end of our hope, and put what little faith we had left into this one, final push.

After what seemed like an eternity, we reached the table. We glanced at the coin slot in unison.

'50p a game'.

Just then, the track on the playlist changed and the hallelujah chorus came on.

(It didn't).

We fell to our knees, holding one another tight, and we wept.

(We didn't).

We slapped each other on the back, ordered two pints and paid our 50p.

(We did).

The choice of drinks was predictably lamentable and we each bought a pint of Guinness.

At the time of writing this blog we have now been to the S&G several times and have built up a considerable pool score there. The pub has, with tragic inevitability, witnessed us return as regulars.

Of course, it hardly deserves a stellar rating. It’s not a great venue. It’s not even nice. But for us, it was a place made of pleasant surprises: nobody wanted to stab us, and the pool table was 50p a game (not to mention completely empty).

So, proving that we are not professional reviewers and are, in fact, easily swayed by even the slightest measure of happiness – the Star & Garter gets an unquestionably undeserved eight stars.

S&G Pool Score: Andy 21-15 Rob 

Pubquest Pool Score: Andy 29-18 Rob

Pub: The Star & Garter (82-84 Winter Street, S3 7ND)
Rating: 8/10
Pint: Guinness
Brewery: Guinness Brewery (Dublin)

NEXT UP: Stuck in traffic, at The Closed Shop...