By
Rob
"There
is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much
happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn."
--
Samuel
Johnson (1709 – 1784)
Since
Dr Johnson spoke those words, as reported by James Boswell in one of
the first ever modern English biographies, a great deal has been
contrived by man. Entertainments that, assuredly, could never have
been predicted by the good doctor – how could an eighteenth-century
poet and playwright possibly have imagined that, in time, most of us
would possess the means to watch amusing videos of cats on handheld
devices? Or that the human mind could sink to such depths of
depravity and artistic bankruptcy as to conceive of Love Island, or
Channel 5?
And
yet, in the face of an unknowable future, Dr Johnson made a statement
that remains as true today as it was during the age of the Seven
Years' War. Indeed, the delights of the English pub are mighty and
manifold; from pool tournaments to quiz nights, from cheap lager to
real ale, and from the quiet country retreat to the rowdy student
boozer – all are catered for. The dizzying hedonism of
twenty-first-century Britain, with its VR headsets and Tinder
hook-ups, has no better pleasure to offer than the joys of the
(Sheffield) public house.
If
anyone knows this to be the case, it’s the two of us. That’s
because this, ladies and gentlefolk, is the hundredth ever
Pubquest blog – the moment we mark a century of pints, pool, and
pubs. It’s triple digits now and for evermore. But before we
concentrate on this monumental achievement, let’s consider the pub
that pushed us over the line and into glory…
…Andy,
myself, Ellen, and Hannah were all present for the big moment, which
we brought in at The Museum pub in Orchard Square. The pub was
chosen, unsurprisingly, for its conveniently central location.
Inside, as out, it’s a reasonably standard affair – a Greene King
pub with the Greene King decoration, menu, and range of beers. About
as middle-of-the-road as a central reservation.
Andy
and I each ordered a pint of German Cascade IPA, a refreshing pint in
which the taste of the Cascade hops came through strongly, with its
citrus and grapefruit notes. We grabbed a table by the window and
then, to add some pizazz to proceedings, unveiled our celebratory
props.
Sitting
there, drinking through our ludicrous straws, embarrassing both Ellen
and Hannah, we looked back over the highs and lows of our journey
and, with a little help from our calculators, started to consider the
cost of our adventures thus far. We came up with the following:
Financial
cost
·
Taking into account re-visits and extra pints consumed in pubs, we’ve
drank 238 pints of beer
·
At a Sheffield average of £3.74 per pint, we’ve spent a total of
approximately £890 on beer
·
At an average of 75p per game, over 60 games, we’ve spent
approximately £45 on pool
Health
cost
·
At an average of 180 calories per pint, we’ve consumed a total of
42,840 calories
·
This is the equivalent of eating, approximately, 150 pepperoni
pizzas from Pizza Hut
·
Not to mention all of the terrible things that drinking 119 pints,
each, does to the body
Sure,
Pubquest might not be a financially sound endeavour – extracting a
reasonably high cost with almost no prospect of any returns, of any
kind, at any point in the future.
And
sure, Pubquest might not be a medically advisable affair – no doubt
shortening our lifespan by an unknowable degree and increasing the
risk of various ugly, unpleasant, and potentially lethal adverse
health conditions further down the line.
But,
in response, I would point to the top of this page and remind
all ye who read this: we just hit 100 pubs!
Besides,
it’s not as if the drinking and frequenting of pubs ever did Dr
Samuel Johnson any harm. He lived a perfectly healthy life, aside
from the poor eyesight, scrofula, bronchitis, depression, poor
circulation, testicular tumour, stroke, gout, coma, and death.
(Although
the last one was, in fairness, inevitable).
Pub:
The Museum (25
Orchard Square, S1 2FB)
Rating:
7/10
Pint:
German Cascade IPA
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