Pub 17, Day 5 – The Penny Black

By Rob

On the walk between pubs we recalled all those times that Danny had come close to pulling but, thanks to the inexplicable hostility of fate towards this particular gentleman, had repeatedly missed out at the last minute. We entertained the distinct possibility that he might, in fact, die alone. With this cheery thought fresh in our minds, we found ourselves at the Penny Black.

Across the road from the bus station, this is hardly the greatest looking pub. However, there is a frequently voiced piece of advice that warns us: don’t judge a book by its cover. The Penny Black, while appearing grotty and run-down from the outside, could very well be a different pub on the inside.

Except it wasn’t.

But! There was real ale available and for this we were grateful.

One pint of Ruddles Smooth each for me and Andy.

Sitting there, drinking our pints, we were presented with an invaluable opportunity to critically assess Danny’s technique at engaging with women. What we discovered was that an essential ingredient in a successful strategy is maintaining realistic outcome expectations while also making every effort not to come across creepy and/or weird. A case in point: I remember one night in town where Danny, in a show of alcohol-enhanced confidence, gave his number to a group of girls who then disappeared into the crowded dancefloor.

At the end of that particular night me, him and our friend Zak (mentioned previously) all went back to our flat. The kettle was switched on, tea was poured, and pyjamas were worn. We were sat around getting ready to head to bed when Danny’s mobile rang. It was the girls who, for some reason, had been kicked out of the hotel they were staying in and thus they wanted somewhere to go. Danny, hit with a sudden brainwave, elected to tell the girls that we were currently hosting a party at our flat and told them that they should attend. Of course, the major issue was that we were definitely not having a party. Zak and I were forced to pull some jeans on over the pyjamas, pour away the tea, and put on some music, all while Danny filled up some empty vodka bottles with water to make it look as if we had alcohol in.

Unfortunately, the girls arrived. They entered the flat expecting to see a party, and instead saw three people sat down while some music played quietly in the background. Naturally worried that she had been lured to our flat under false pretences, one girl feared for her safety so much that she locked herself away in our bathroom and phoned one of her male friends for help. This shining beacon of society arrived soon after and safely escorted the girls away. We put our pyjamas back on, gave Danny a pat on the back out of sympathy, and finally went to bed.

The moral of the story is probably something like “Don’t be weird and lie about parties”.

Anyway!

The Penny Black gets 4.5/10. It was by no means horrible, the staff were nice and friendly, and the ale was a surprising find.

Pub: The Penny Black (40 Pond Hill, S1 2BG)

Rating: 4.5/10

Beer: Ruddles Smooth    

Brewery: Greene King Brewery (Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk)

NEXT UP: Our first Wetherspoons, at Sheffield Water Works Company...