Pub 43, Day 16 – The Abbey

By Rob

For generations the brutal territorial war between Derbyshire and Yorkshire has raged in the cold north of England. Lives have been shattered, bloodlines erased, and countless persons have been lost to this perennial geo-political conflict.

The village of Woodseats has spent much of its life situated right in the centre of this devastating struggle. From the Old English Wodesettes, this ‘fold in a wood’ has sat on the fault line between the two regional superpowers for eons.

In 1934, Woodseats was seized from Derbyshire and formally became part of the City of Sheffield, thus marking what would surely be the darkest and most significant event to take place in Europe in the 1930s. Of course, the consequences of this were more far-reaching than anyone could have then anticipated, as it meant that over eighty years later the district of Woodseats would be on the list of places to visit during Pubquest.

Our decision to drink in this particular area had stemmed from the fact that we had visited a disproportionate number of city-centre, or near-city-centre establishments. As such, it seemed like a good idea to journey somewhere further out. What's more, we knew that Woodseats played host to a number of nice pubs. In particular, there were four public houses along Chesterfield Road: The Abbey, the Big Tree, The Chantrey Arms, and Woodseats Palace – and we were aiming to visit them all.

We thus found ourselves stepping off the bus just outside of Graves Park, from where we could spy our first target: The Abbey.

From without, we were presented with a large stone building on the corner of Chesterfield Road that was hard to miss. 

Inside, the pub appeared to function in the opposite manner to the Tardis, seeming somewhat smaller than we had expected. The decor was all up to scratch, presenting the entrants with the standardised semi-traditional style. However, the management could have elected to smear the wallpaper with charcoal and write obscenities on the ceiling and it wouldn't have mattered – the place was so dimly lit that a quiet murder could have taken place in the corner and we would have been oblivious.

Now, I have no problem with mood lighting, and I readily acknowledge that the glaring intensity of fluorescent overhead bulbs would ruin the atmosphere in almost any taproom. However, only certain places are suited to having such very low-wattage lamps (wood-panelled smoking rooms, drug dens, very posh restaurants, the Batcave) and sadly pubs are not amongst them. In fact, it was probably because of its unnecessarily shaded interior that the pub's innards seemed disproportionately petite.

Squinting at the pumps on the bar, we each chose a pint of Harvest Pale. The flagship beer of its brewery, and the SIBA National Champion Bitter 2004, Champion Bitter of Britain 2007 and Champion Beer of Britain 2010 – how could we not choose it? Additionally, we felt that a light coloured beer would be easier to locate in the darkness.

We took our seats and sipped at our drinks. The Harvest Pale was nice, although I'm not sure I would echo the words of its makers, who describe it as having "exceptional poise". This is not because I doubt the accuracy of the statement or the integrity of the hard working folk at Castle Rock Brewery, but simply because my ale-tasting expertise is so poor that I must confess to being unsure about what it actually means when a beer is poised.

Sitting there, talking to Andy (using the sound of his voice as confirmation that he was still seated across from me) I rather enjoyed myself. Yes, the pub was much too dark. However, the selection of ales on offer was reasonable and – although we didn't eat there – the food menu also provided a good range of options.

All in all, a perfectly decent pub that's worth a visit if, like us, you're sampling the delights of Woodseats. 

We finished our ales and, poised for our next visit, stepped through the door and into the shining brilliance of the outside world.

Pub: The Abbey (944 Chesterfield Road, S8 0SH)

Rating: 6/10

Pint: Harvest Pale

Brewery: Castle Rock Brewery (Nottingham)

NEXT UP: Making friends in the toilets, at the Big Tree...

Pub 42, Day 15 – Brown Bear

By Rob

Not altogether devastated to be leaving The Penny Black, we wandered over to the Brown Bear on Norfolk Street. 

Situated in a really smart area of the city centre – near the theatres, the public library, the Winter Gardens – the Brown Bear looks every bit the charming and traditional urban pub. The building is Grade II listed, dates back to the nineteenth century, and is one of Sheffield's oldest pubs, having been licensed back in 1822. Its location upon a picturesque cobbled street really adds to the Victorian aesthetic.

The inside matches up very nicely with its outward appearance. The pub exudes warmth and comfort, with its autumnal colours and two cosy rooms – both of which sit either side of a small, central bar. Once known for attracting celebrities and politicians, it's easy to see why the pub has maintained its popularity for so long.

And popular it certainly still is, as we walked into a busy taproom with very few empty seats. Luckily, after shouldering our way through elderly merrymakers, Izzy’s keen eyes fell upon a vacant table and chairs in the corner of one of the rooms. After securing our spot, Andy and I headed over to the bar to order the drinks.

It was at this point that the Brown Bear provided us with its own very unique manner of entertainment, in the form of a no-nonsense barman.

As we were waiting to order, another customer approached the bar from the opposite side. Eventually, the barman turned to us and inquired as to what we would like to drink. The newly-arrived gentleman, however, was less than pleased at this sequence of events and decided to vocalise his unhappiness.

“Um, excuse me,” he said, causing the barman to turn on the spot. “I’m waiting to be served”.

Frowning, and ignoring every customer-service handbook ever written, the barman calmly replied:

“Yes, I see that. But I should point out that we have something called a ‘queue system’ in place here. What that basically means is that I serve people in the order at which they arrive at the bar. These boys,” he pointed at myself and Andy, “were here before you.”

In response, the customer snorted and promptly left the pub.

An illustration of less-than-exemplary professionalism, maybe. But it was certainly funny to watch.

We each ordered a pint of Samuel Smith’s Light Mild, an ale which, as its name suggests, was quite light in both colour and taste – although it still carried a surprising amount of flavour for its 2.8% strength.

We all toasted what had been a successful evening, and both Izzy and Hannah complimented us repeatedly on our important cultural voyage until we were blushing with modesty. At least that is my recollection of the conversation.

Pub: Brown Bear (109 Norfolk Street, S1 2JE)

Rating: 8/10

Pint: Samuel Smith's Light Mild

Brewery: Samuel Smith Brewery (Tadcaster, North Yorkshire)

NEXT UP: A Woodseats pub crawl begins, at The Abbey...

Pub 17, Day 15 – The Penny Black [The Return]

By Andy

Why, I hear you ask, would anyone ever return to The Penny Black?

Well readers, like many misfortunes in life, it was all the result of a cock-up.

Pubquest rules state that we must drink a different pint in each pub. On our previous visit to The Penny Black, we chose Ruddles Smooth. Tragically, by the time of our trip to The Shakey, we had successfully erased The Penny Black from our memory, and once again selected Ruddles Smooth.

Consequently, and despite much consternation from our guests Izzy and Hannah, we knew we had to make a repeat visit.

With The Shakey being a bit of a trek, and The Penny Black being in the city centre, we decided it offered the simplest solution.

The pub was originally built for the nearby Royal Mail workers,

and was named after the world's first adhesive postage stamp.

As you may have by now realised, this blog can occasionally lag behind schedule. As such, when Rob wrote the original entry for The Penny Black, he was well aware that we would have to make a return journey in the near future. With that in mind, I feel he beat around the bush somewhat, and in the interest of his own safety, failed to offer our loyal readers the honesty you deserve.

Now, safe in the knowledge that we will never be visiting The Penny Black again, I will refute a few of his assertions.

1) “The staff were nice and friendly.”

I can only presume that a different member of staff was working that night.

After our previous mishap, we selected Strongbow Dark Fruit this time around – we agreed it was the drink we were least likely to come across again. Admittedly, this is a pint we would not often choose. Even so, the barman stared at us as if we had requested two Woo-Woos, unable to conceal a look of disappointment with the modern man.

Handily, Strongbow Dark Fruit tasted like vomit-flavoured Lemsip, ensuring we will never forget drinking it, and therefore never accidentally order it again.

2) “There was real ale available.”

A debatable point. As previously covered, the most unique pint available was (the mass-produced) Strongbow Dark Fruit. With the above statement, Rob is referring to our nemesis Ruddles Smooth. However, whereas Ruddles Best and Ruddles County are unequivocally real ales, Ruddles Smooth is a bastard-child – it carries the name of a reputable ale brewer, but fizzes from a keg.

3) “The Penny Black is by no means horrible.”

This sentence actually borders on praise. I hereby confirm that contrary to the above

statement, The Penny Black is horrible.

The Penny Black Pool Score: Andy 1-1 Rob

Pubquest Pool Score: Andy 35-25 Rob

Pub: The Penny Black (40 Pond Hill, S1 2BG)

Rating: 4.5/10

Pint: Strongbow Dark Fruit   

Brewery: H. P. Bulmer (Hereford)

NEXT UP: Outspoken staff, at the Brown Bear...

Pub 41, Day 15 – The Howard

By Rob

Strolling down Howard Street – one of Sheffield's more visually appealing and smartly constructed pedestrianised thoroughfares – we arrived at The Howard Hotel.

Anyone who has ever made use of the train station, or strolled by it, will have noticed the pub. Its large, striking, half-timber Tudor exterior is very much a part of Sheaf Square's immediate landscape. And yet, despite its semi-iconic status as a piece of local architecture, I had never been inside.

Setting right this inexcusable travesty, we headed indoors.

Now, the old English idiom that Andy and I continually find ourselves repeating – "never judge a book by its cover" – has served us well. Every now and then we come across a pub that, based on its outward appearance, we think will be a rough 'un. As previous instalments have demonstrated, our initial assumptions are often wrong.

Once again, the time-honoured metaphorical phrase proved itself apt. However, instead of being pleasantly surprised, this time we were disappointed.

Looking at The Howard's handsome Tudor facade, I couldn't help but expect an interior that was just as aesthetically impressive. Unfortunately, the cosy taproom with its thick wooden roof beams and crackling log fire was nowhere to be seen. Instead, we walked into a large, open-plan establishment that was decidedly average in its presentation.

Of course, I should point out that there was nothing at all wrong with the pub. It was spacious, reasonably modern and it had a pool table. The only issue was that in the case of this particular book, the contents didn't reflect the cover.

The Howard pub, centre-right. (Photo from Google Maps, contributor: Alasdair Denton)

Approaching the bar, we eyed the reasonably decent range of ales and opted for a pint of Ruby Liquorice Smoked Beer. Upon hearing this, the woman behind the bar laughed at us. If that reaction wasn't enough to make us dubious about our selection, a second member of staff came over and asked us if we like smoky bacon crisps. However, the fact is that we do like smoky bacon crisps. This, the helpful barman went on to suggest, meant that we should find the ale to our liking.

Naturally, the three of us gravitated towards the pool table and Izzy watched on in delight as Andy and I won a match each. She also watched on in delight as the two of us struggled to slowly make our way through the pints we had bought.

The notion that our positive disposition towards smoky bacon crisps would somehow translate into an appreciation of the beer turned out to be woefully inaccurate. I do like smoky bacon crisps and, when I'm buying actual bacon, I always opt for the smoked variety. I like smoked sausages and I'm also partial to certain smoked cheeses. I'm no great lover of fish, but I think smoked salmon is at least palatable. I can’t even be accused of being prejudiced against smoked beverages, because I quite enjoy a cup of the smoked lapsang souchong tea. But despite this wide range of consumables, the fact remains that some things just ought not to be smoked, and beer is one of them.

We later discovered that this particular beverage is part of the Marston's Brewery 'Revisionist' range, which aims to provide people with "something a little different" by allowing the brewers to "ignore the rule book".^[1] While we all might like to go a little crazy sometimes, I think this proves that in most circumstances, the rulebook is there for a reason.
  

Halfway through our visit and we were joined by my girlfriend, Hannah. Ever the supportive ray of sunshine (if at any point you think I'm being too soppy then please put yourself in my shoes and understand that she will, at some point, read this) she had come to join us on the evening’s journey.

As we neared the bottom of our glasses, Andy had started to warm to the smoked beer. By the time he reached the final few drops, he had come to appreciate its unique flavour and distinctive aroma. Meanwhile, I was still retching my way through the last mouthfuls of what tasted like the pungent run-off from a swilled-out ashtray.

Eventually the drinks were put away and the four of us left. While the innards had failed to live up to the standard set by the exterior, and I had found my pint almost offensive due to the savagery it inflicted upon my tongue, The Howard Hotel is actually a perfectly pleasant pub that is worth a visit if you're hovering around the train station and find yourself stricken with a thirst.

Howard Pool Score: Andy 1-1 Rob

Pubquest Pool Score: Andy 34-24 Rob

Pub: The Howard (57 Howard Street, S1 2LW)

Rating: 6/10

Pint: Ruby Liquorice Smoked Beer

Brewery: Marston's Brewery (Wolverhampton)

NEXT UP: Righting a few wrongs, at The Penny Black... 

References:
[1] http://www.revisionistbeers.co.uk

Pub 40, Day 15 – The Globe

By Rob

Izzy, a friend from the days when I was a full-time student with long hair and acne, was visiting Sheffield for a few nights. We'd decided to meet up for a drink and a catch-up. After all, I was excited to see her reaction when she realised that, five years later, I was still a full-time student with long hair and acne.

Given that Andy and Izzy are also friends, and that any occasion involving drinks is just waiting to be hijacked by Pubquest, I picked up the phone to extend an invitation to my fellow adventurer. He was, of course, delighted.

Unable to convince Izzy to meet us on the fringes of the city and stroll around a series of obscure pubs, we agreed to restrict ourselves to the centre of Sheffield. Her unreasonable refusal was centred around having to pay in excess of £20 for a taxi to take her somewhere she didn't want to go, in order to indulge us in what she thought was merely a hobby.

(Oh, how foolish she will feel when our readership reaches double digits.)

We all met up at The Globe. Like The Cavendish, this venue is owned by Stonegate Pubs and is clearly geared towards the more youthful customer. Unlike The Cavendish, however, this pub is also part of the Scream chain and, as a result, it's not just marketed at a younger clientele but is aimed almost entirely at students. This is perfectly natural, given its location directly opposite Sheffield Hallam University's largest building.

Inside the pub, the decor was a bit of a mishmash. For instance, I really liked the huge, eighteenth-century-esque picture of the globe (the planet, not the pub) on the wall. However, I was somewhat less impressed by the furniture, which appeared to have been procured from an 'everything must go' auction at a recently liquidated Wacky Warehouse. The chairs were all different colours and, without exception, each layer of the rainbow was represented in its brightest possible variant. The effect, upon entering the pub, was not unlike having your eyes pricked.

As usual, both mine and Andy's timekeeping was impeccable and, consequently, Izzy had been sat there nursing a drink for about ten minutes by the time we arrived.

We each ordered a pint of Cotton Tail, an ale from the Sheffield-based Fuggle Bunny brewery. A sweet drink with somewhat citrus undertones, it went down a treat.

Glasses in hand, seated on chairs of almost incandescent pigmentation, we immersed ourselves in conversation. Izzy, it soon transpired, had followed Andy into the real world and now worked in a proper job, like a fully functioning adult member of the human race. Pursuing my astonishingly relevant and vocational MA in Medieval History, I thanked my lucky stars that I could count on the inevitable success of Pubquest to set me up in later life.

After some time had passed I found myself being won over by The Globe. Although the upholstery had scarred my corneas, the pub had a nice warm atmosphere and a reasonably good selection of ales. A pleasant vibe and a decent drink count for much more than the finer points of interior design, however bad they might be.

We finished our rabbit-themed ale (which was a little less hoppy than might have been expected) and headed over to the next place.

Pub: The Globe (54 Howard Street, S1 2LX)

Rating: 6.5/10

Pint: Cotton Tail

Brewery: Fuggle Bunny Brewhouse (Sheffield)

NEXT UP: Smoky beers, at The Howard...

Pub 39, Day 14 – University Arms

By Andy

Every now and again, there's an article in the paper about a child genius, some kid whose intelligence is so great that the teachers have no choice but to move them up a couple of school years in a desperate bid to keep them challenged.

Robert Heffron, my drinking partner, is the reverse of this. Come the end of each academic year, he can be found in exam halls up and down the country, plumbing new depths of intellectual ineptitude.

With a lorryload of excuses and a GCSE in drama, he then proceeds to convince some gullible institution that he deserves a second chance, before misplacing their trust in heartbreaking fashion.

As a result of this, and despite never taking a gap-year, Rob is now several years older than his fellow students.

Consequently, it has become standard practice that whenever Rob is invited out for a drink by his classmates, he brings me along.

The benefits to this are twofold: first, our combined influence enables us to bypass the planning committee and pick a random pub as the venue. With our added years of experience, if any youngster dares question our judgement, we merely need remind them that we were drinking beer whilst they were hooked on breast-milk.

Secondly, I can help convince the whipper-snappers that no, a nightclub on a weeknight might not be such a great idea. This finally offers some much-needed respite for Rob's liver, which has been stuck in student mode for far longer than is medically wise.

On this occasion, in an attempt to keep everyone happy we selected University Arms, a Sheffield University local with a decidedly unoriginal name.

Fortunately, whoever chose the name clearly didn't design the place: a mixture of traditional pub features and student bar traits leaves the University Arms with a unique feel – certainly a cut above the identikit student pubs which spring up around most universities.

Pop out the back on the majority of evenings and you will be greeted by a spacious, sedate beer garden, perfect for relaxing in the sun with your feet up. However, during Tramlines, the space is transformed into a rather hectic gig venue, with moshing, headbanging and spilled drinks galore.

Back at the bar, a row of inviting cask ales compete with a snazzily designed cocktail menu. But that's not to say the Uni Arms spreads itself too thin – the ales on offer rival Sheffield's most renowned pubs in both quantity and quality.

Not only does this make the Uni Arms an enjoyable place to drink, but the pub also manages to avoid the side effects which often accompany an array of well-conditioned ales: customers nearing death, pub quizzes which are intolerably difficult, food menus which border on incomprehensible. The pub's location in the centre of the university sprawl ensures that the output stays fresh.

Pubquest rules clearly state that in order for us to tick off an establishment, we have to drink a pint. With the cocktail menu in front of us, we briefly considered ordering a pint of Martini, before returning to our senses and opting for Hop A Doodle Doo – a smooth bitter from Brewster's brewery which proved both easy to drink and difficult to put down.

Heading upstairs, we discovered a warren of rooms each with a purpose more unfathomable than the last. First, we stumbled into an office room that we were clearly not meant to be in – a middle-aged man glanced up from his computer to give us a stern glare. After offering our apologies, we turned on our heels and walked through door number two.

At first glance this room appeared to be a function room, although what sort of function was going on was anyone's guess – about fifteen people were sat in a circle in apparent silence, and none of them offered any sort of reaction to our arrival. For the second time in quick succession we apologised and left, with absolutely no idea what we had disturbed – our guesses ranged from an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to a religious cult (although with hindsight, hosting an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in a pub seems a tad short-sighted).

By this point, we were beginning to lose all hope of finding a room resembling normality. With nowhere left to turn, we headed for door number three. Turning the handle with a degree of trepidation, we were delighted to discover a snooker room!

Hidden away in the farthest corner, this proved to be the pub's greatest feature – with a relatively cheap snooker table and contemporary Sheffield art adorning the walls, it's tough to think of a more relaxing setting. Granted, the snooker table is not full-size, but this only serves to boost your confidence – with shorter distances involved, the game finally appears as easy as the version they play on TV.

However, the University Arms is critically endangered – Sheffield University's new “Campus Masterplan” advocates knocking the pub down in favour of expanding the Faculty of Science.

In Pubquest's opinion, that would be a real shame – Sheffield University does not enjoy the advantages of being a campus university, so to tear down it's lone pioneer would be to further splinter the students' social life from their work life.

It doesn't need a rocket scientist to predict which side of the debate we will take. But then again, if the Faculty of Science wants to replace an independent pub with lecture halls, perhaps those rocket scientists aren't as clever as they're made out to be...

Uni Arms snooker score: Andy 2-2 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 4-3 Rob

Pub: University Arms (197 Brook Hill, S3 7HG)

Rating: 8.5/10

Pint: Hop A Doodle Doo 

Brewery: Brewster's Brewery (Grantham, Lincolnshire)

NEXT UP: From Sheffield Uni to Hallam Uni, at The Globe...

Pub 38, Day 13 – Red Deer

By Rob

Clean and refreshed after sitting in The Bath together, we headed over to the Red Deer. As with The Hallamshire House, this pub and I had become rather well acquainted thanks to a number of semi-remembered, beer-soaked evenings during which my university work sat at home, neglected and alone. As such, the customarily maintained veneer of objectivity goes straight out of the window while writing this.

The Red Deer is an old pub, dating back to 1825. Originally a lot smaller, in the 1980s it was extended and reconfigured, creating the single, large, L-shaped room that exists today. The raised section of the pub at the rear, nicknamed "the gallery", was added in the early 90s. Around this time the business was owned by Tetley, who asked the Sheffield branch of CAMRA to nominate the best Tetley pub in the city. The Red Deer was chosen and the award, a plaque-mounted hand-pump, can be seen on the wall.^[1]

It was in "the gallery" that me and Andy decided to set up our very temporary home, but not before ordering two pints of Bramble Stout (winner of West Midlands CAMRA Beer of the Year 2011). The pub had a good choice when it came to craft beers, which was great news for both real ale enthusiasts and people trying to drink a different pint in every pub in Sheffield. Falling partly into the first category and solidly into the second, we were more than content.

Inside, the pub was warm and quite snug. It's the sort of place that's perfect on a cold winter's night and, thanks to its small yet utterly pleasant beer garden, it has an appeal during the warmer seasons too. The award winning Bramble Stout was a pleasure to drink, with a chocolatey taste and fruity undertones it was right up our alley, thereby reaffirming our long-held belief that the men and women of West Midlands CAMRA have exceptionally good taste.

Sat there merrily working my way towards the bottom of the glass, my eyes lit up at the sight of the board games piled against one wall. After all, I had been beaten with an alarming degree of consistency at both pool and snooker (and don't think for a moment that the passage of almost three years had done anything to lessen the sting of losing at connect four).

Springing out of my seat and rifling through the assorted collection, I came across a chess set. The proud owner of a junior-school chess trophy and the one-time captain of the chess team at Intake Primary School (circa 2002), I saw this as my opportunity to beat Andy in at least one competitive endeavour. Setting the pieces up, I settled in for an easy victory.

I must confess, I was taken aback by Andy's aggressive play style. It later transpired that he had no overarching strategy and was just trying to take any piece he could while moving absolutely everything forward. This tabletop reconstruction of the Normandy beach landings initially put me on the defensive and, at one point, Andy was technically winning.

I genuinely had to face the prospect of defeat.

Fortunately, once accustomed to his reckless blitzkrieg, I managed to respond effectively and began to chip away at his board presence. After steadily regaining the advantage, I finally secured the checkmate I was looking for and thus, thankfully, averted the need to fling myself in front of a tram.

Packing away the pieces and downing the last dregs of our drinks, we left the pub with smiles on our faces and, for once, mine might have been wider than Andy's.

Red Deer chess score: Rob 1-0 Andy

Pubquest chess score: Rob 1-0 Andy

Pub: The Red Deer (18 Pitt Street, S1 4DD)

Rating: 9/10

Pint: Bramble Stout

Brewery: Burton Bridge Brewery (Burton upon Trent)

NEXT UP: Drinking with the students, at the University Arms...

References:
[1] http://www.red-deer-sheffield.co.uk/history.htm