Pub 39, Day 14 – University Arms

By Andy

Every now and again, there's an article in the paper about a child genius, some kid whose intelligence is so great that the teachers have no choice but to move them up a couple of school years in a desperate bid to keep them challenged.

Robert Heffron, my drinking partner, is the reverse of this. Come the end of each academic year, he can be found in exam halls up and down the country, plumbing new depths of intellectual ineptitude.

With a lorryload of excuses and a GCSE in drama, he then proceeds to convince some gullible institution that he deserves a second chance, before misplacing their trust in heartbreaking fashion.

As a result of this, and despite never taking a gap-year, Rob is now several years older than his fellow students.

Consequently, it has become standard practice that whenever Rob is invited out for a drink by his classmates, he brings me along.

The benefits to this are twofold: first, our combined influence enables us to bypass the planning committee and pick a random pub as the venue. With our added years of experience, if any youngster dares question our judgement, we merely need remind them that we were drinking beer whilst they were hooked on breast-milk.

Secondly, I can help convince the whipper-snappers that no, a nightclub on a weeknight might not be such a great idea. This finally offers some much-needed respite for Rob's liver, which has been stuck in student mode for far longer than is medically wise.

On this occasion, in an attempt to keep everyone happy we selected University Arms, a Sheffield University local with a decidedly unoriginal name.

Fortunately, whoever chose the name clearly didn't design the place: a mixture of traditional pub features and student bar traits leaves the University Arms with a unique feel – certainly a cut above the identikit student pubs which spring up around most universities.

Pop out the back on the majority of evenings and you will be greeted by a spacious, sedate beer garden, perfect for relaxing in the sun with your feet up. However, during Tramlines, the space is transformed into a rather hectic gig venue, with moshing, headbanging and spilled drinks galore.

Back at the bar, a row of inviting cask ales compete with a snazzily designed cocktail menu. But that's not to say the Uni Arms spreads itself too thin – the ales on offer rival Sheffield's most renowned pubs in both quantity and quality.

Not only does this make the Uni Arms an enjoyable place to drink, but the pub also manages to avoid the side effects which often accompany an array of well-conditioned ales: customers nearing death, pub quizzes which are intolerably difficult, food menus which border on incomprehensible. The pub's location in the centre of the university sprawl ensures that the output stays fresh.

Pubquest rules clearly state that in order for us to tick off an establishment, we have to drink a pint. With the cocktail menu in front of us, we briefly considered ordering a pint of Martini, before returning to our senses and opting for Hop A Doodle Doo – a smooth bitter from Brewster's brewery which proved both easy to drink and difficult to put down.

Heading upstairs, we discovered a warren of rooms each with a purpose more unfathomable than the last. First, we stumbled into an office room that we were clearly not meant to be in – a middle-aged man glanced up from his computer to give us a stern glare. After offering our apologies, we turned on our heels and walked through door number two.

At first glance this room appeared to be a function room, although what sort of function was going on was anyone's guess – about fifteen people were sat in a circle in apparent silence, and none of them offered any sort of reaction to our arrival. For the second time in quick succession we apologised and left, with absolutely no idea what we had disturbed – our guesses ranged from an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting to a religious cult (although with hindsight, hosting an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in a pub seems a tad short-sighted).

By this point, we were beginning to lose all hope of finding a room resembling normality. With nowhere left to turn, we headed for door number three. Turning the handle with a degree of trepidation, we were delighted to discover a snooker room!

Hidden away in the farthest corner, this proved to be the pub's greatest feature – with a relatively cheap snooker table and contemporary Sheffield art adorning the walls, it's tough to think of a more relaxing setting. Granted, the snooker table is not full-size, but this only serves to boost your confidence – with shorter distances involved, the game finally appears as easy as the version they play on TV.

However, the University Arms is critically endangered – Sheffield University's new “Campus Masterplan” advocates knocking the pub down in favour of expanding the Faculty of Science.

In Pubquest's opinion, that would be a real shame – Sheffield University does not enjoy the advantages of being a campus university, so to tear down it's lone pioneer would be to further splinter the students' social life from their work life.

It doesn't need a rocket scientist to predict which side of the debate we will take. But then again, if the Faculty of Science wants to replace an independent pub with lecture halls, perhaps those rocket scientists aren't as clever as they're made out to be...

Uni Arms snooker score: Andy 2-2 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 4-3 Rob

Pub: University Arms (197 Brook Hill, S3 7HG)

Rating: 8.5/10

Pint: Hop A Doodle Doo 

Brewery: Brewster's Brewery (Grantham, Lincolnshire)

NEXT UP: From Sheffield Uni to Hallam Uni, at The Globe...

Pub 38, Day 13 – Red Deer

By Rob

Clean and refreshed after sitting in The Bath together, we headed over to the Red Deer. As with The Hallamshire House, this pub and I had become rather well acquainted thanks to a number of semi-remembered, beer-soaked evenings during which my university work sat at home, neglected and alone. As such, the customarily maintained veneer of objectivity goes straight out of the window while writing this.

The Red Deer is an old pub, dating back to 1825. Originally a lot smaller, in the 1980s it was extended and reconfigured, creating the single, large, L-shaped room that exists today. The raised section of the pub at the rear, nicknamed "the gallery", was added in the early 90s. Around this time the business was owned by Tetley, who asked the Sheffield branch of CAMRA to nominate the best Tetley pub in the city. The Red Deer was chosen and the award, a plaque-mounted hand-pump, can be seen on the wall.^[1]

It was in "the gallery" that me and Andy decided to set up our very temporary home, but not before ordering two pints of Bramble Stout (winner of West Midlands CAMRA Beer of the Year 2011). The pub had a good choice when it came to craft beers, which was great news for both real ale enthusiasts and people trying to drink a different pint in every pub in Sheffield. Falling partly into the first category and solidly into the second, we were more than content.

Inside, the pub was warm and quite snug. It's the sort of place that's perfect on a cold winter's night and, thanks to its small yet utterly pleasant beer garden, it has an appeal during the warmer seasons too. The award winning Bramble Stout was a pleasure to drink, with a chocolatey taste and fruity undertones it was right up our alley, thereby reaffirming our long-held belief that the men and women of West Midlands CAMRA have exceptionally good taste.

Sat there merrily working my way towards the bottom of the glass, my eyes lit up at the sight of the board games piled against one wall. After all, I had been beaten with an alarming degree of consistency at both pool and snooker (and don't think for a moment that the passage of almost three years had done anything to lessen the sting of losing at connect four).

Springing out of my seat and rifling through the assorted collection, I came across a chess set. The proud owner of a junior-school chess trophy and the one-time captain of the chess team at Intake Primary School (circa 2002), I saw this as my opportunity to beat Andy in at least one competitive endeavour. Setting the pieces up, I settled in for an easy victory.

I must confess, I was taken aback by Andy's aggressive play style. It later transpired that he had no overarching strategy and was just trying to take any piece he could while moving absolutely everything forward. This tabletop reconstruction of the Normandy beach landings initially put me on the defensive and, at one point, Andy was technically winning.

I genuinely had to face the prospect of defeat.

Fortunately, once accustomed to his reckless blitzkrieg, I managed to respond effectively and began to chip away at his board presence. After steadily regaining the advantage, I finally secured the checkmate I was looking for and thus, thankfully, averted the need to fling myself in front of a tram.

Packing away the pieces and downing the last dregs of our drinks, we left the pub with smiles on our faces and, for once, mine might have been wider than Andy's.

Red Deer chess score: Rob 1-0 Andy

Pubquest chess score: Rob 1-0 Andy

Pub: The Red Deer (18 Pitt Street, S1 4DD)

Rating: 9/10

Pint: Bramble Stout

Brewery: Burton Bridge Brewery (Burton upon Trent)

NEXT UP: Drinking with the students, at the University Arms...

References:
[1] http://www.red-deer-sheffield.co.uk/history.htm

Pub 37, Day 13 – The Bath Hotel

By Andy

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

― Alexander Pope

I must have walked past The Bath Hotel a thousand times. Tiny, shabby, and usually with a skip outside, I had very little desire to venture in.

However, Pubquest contains no get-out clause for skipping pubs we don't like the look of – sooner or later we had to get in The Bath.

Upon arrival, the first thing to note is that The Bath is not reminiscent of the Tardis – tiny from the outside, it seems even cosier once you're in. The second thing to note is that it is unquestionably one of the finest pubs in the region.

Most pubs have a couple of beers that I like. However, choosing your pint at The Bath is more akin to ordering food at a restaurant – only once you have read every option at least twice and painstakingly talked everyone through your thought process can you even consider making a decision.

We eventually plumped for Chocolate Marble, a porter which didn't taste of chocolate but did keep us hooked with its smoky, roasted kick.

A mere selection of The Bath's taps

One of the main reasons for starting Pubquest in the first place was the desire to drink more diverse pints than could be found in just one pub – halfway through our visit to The Bath I was almost tempted to knock the entire thing on the head and come here every night instead.

And it wasn't just the beers we were enjoying. The atmosphere in The Bath treads fine lines with the ease of an expert tightrope-walker – quiet enough to keep you happy yet busy enough to keep you entertained; friendly enough to feel welcoming but not so overpowering that you feel like the new kid at school.

Good Pub Guides were scattered nonchalantly about the place, each one dedicating a page or more to our location. Self-absorbed perhaps, but if you were writing a Good Pub Guide and neglected to include The Bath, you would need to seriously re-examine your criteria.

By the end of our visit, I was chuckling to myself at the new arrivals who were deliberating over their pint choice as if ordering food at a restaurant. After trying almost everything on the menu, I had realised that whichever beer you went for, it was guaranteed to be a success.

Pub: The Bath Hotel (66 Victoria Street, S3 7QL)
Rating: 9.5/10
Pint: Chocolate Marble
Brewery: Marble Brewery (Manchester)

NEXT UP: A knight to remember, at the Red Deer...