Pub 36, Day 12 – The Springvale

By Andy

Some people will tell you that The Springvale is the runt of the Commonside triplets.

Those people will say that it fails to offer the range of beers that The Hallamshire House does, and doesn't serve the quality of food which can be found at The Closed Shop.

They probably don't know about The Springvale's selection of real ales, ranging from the classics to the obscure.

They certainly aren't aware of its terrific Sunday lunches, which pile more food on to a plate than I thought possible.

In fact, The Springvale completes the Commonside trilogy – like Back To The Future, each instalment brings something new to the table.

A stunning photo of The Springvale, by Gordie Cavill

A large pub with an excellent view over the city, The Springvale lacks a touch of the quirkiness which characterises its nearby rivals. While this is not in itself a bad thing, the glossy decor can sometimes remind you that it's part of a chain.

It does however possess one crucial attribute which elevates the pub to 'Revisit' status – a 50p pool table. Joining such esteemed company as the Star & Garter and The Royal Standard, the half-price games ensured we stayed for many more pints than planned. Our beer of choice was Fuller’s Front Row, a refreshing session ale which models itself as “the perfect pint for any rugby occasion”, but was equally enjoyable during a frame of pool.

We hogged the table all night, evenly splitting six frames. Not bad for £3.

Springvale Pool Score: Andy 3-3 Rob

Pubquest Pool Score: Andy 33-23 Rob

Pub: The Springvale (1 Commonside, S10 1GA)
Rating: 7.5/10
Pint: Front Row 
Brewery: Fuller's (London)

NEXT UP: Shattering preconceptions, at The Bath Hotel...

Pub 35, Day 12 – The Hallamshire House

By Rob

Andy, beads of sweat running down his face from the strain, pulled the unconscious driver from the wreckage of the crumpled car. Just seconds earlier, I had managed to wrench the passenger-side door open, thus enabling him to reach inside and accomplish his feat of heroism. All of this, you understand, while the car was aflame and just seconds from exploding. Afterwards, the firemen arrived at the scene, visibly impressed by our miraculous rescue and muscular ―

―"No," Andy interjected. "Let's just stick to the traffic jam story."

He was right. The best lies are the simple ones.

Stepping through the door of The Hallamshire House almost an hour late, three sets of unhappy faces swivelled around, their scowls and frowns pointed very clearly in our direction. We swallowed nervously, preparing ourselves to deliver the hastily rehearsed excuse that we had concocted over at The Closed Shop.

Andy stepped forward to begin our explanation. But as he opened his mouth to speak, I noticed something. With a sudden stab of panic, I realised that we were about to dig our hole even deeper.

But it was too late. Andy, with an impressive degree of confidence and conviction, began to explain the unfortunate – and completely fabricated – travel complications that we had encountered along the road. To their credit, our friends sat there silently as they listened. My heart sank deeper with each word. When Andy had finished, he turned to look at me; I couldn't bring myself to meet his hopeful gaze.

There was, for what seemed like a very long time, silence.

Finally, one of them spoke.

"We just saw you leave The Closed Shop."

This catastrophic revelation actually made a lot of sense, given that they were all sat by the large front window which looked directly onto The Closed Shop – a glaringly obvious fact that I had become aware of moments too late.

After vocalising a stream of obsequious apologies we walked over to the bar and readied ourselves for what we thought might be a frosty evening.

Except it wasn't.

Even the cold hostility of our justifiably miffed coterie quickly thawed out in the warm atmosphere of The Hallamshire House. The pub is an absolute treasure. In fact, I'm prepared to go even further in my praise.

At the time of writing this blog, The Hallamshire House is my favourite pub in Sheffield.

Now, this is a bold statement and before it hits the papers I would like to explain myself:

1. The pub looks fantastic: It might sound odd, but decorating a pub is a tricky business. There's a fine line between traditional and tacky, and an even finer one between trendy and pretentious. The Hallamshire House is on the right side of both, with its old-fashioned pictures and brass tables and a distinct lack of "quirky" fixtures.

2. There's a huge range of great ales: Although plenty of pubs in this day and age can boast a long line-up of guest beers, The Hallamshire House has an unusually large number of ales that I really, really like.

3. The outdoor seating area is a really nice surprise: You have to go downstairs to find it and, having already demonstrated my poor observational skills when it comes to architecture, it took me a few visits to discover its existence. A lovely decking area, it has a mixture of covered and uncovered seating amidst a forest of plants and greenery.

4. The snooker room might just be the nicest one in the city: Of course, we may visit a pub next week that can boast of owning a superior specimen, but as things stand this wood-panelled beauty is the one to beat.

Anyway, now that I've finished salivating, allow me to tell you that we both ordered a pint of Colorado Red. A strong ale at over 6%, it was a beautiful pint. I'm a huge fan of red ale, which you don't see that often, so I was in my element.

Could things get better?

Two words: pub quiz.

On the verge of slipping into a euphoric coma, I procured a quiz sheet and we immediately set to work on the famous faces. For us, this meant ten minutes of hopelessly ascribing incorrect names to unknown pictures. When you're at the point where you're having to explain that Paul Daniels is not a black man in his thirties, you know the celebrity round is a lost cause.

We fared a bit better on the questions, but were by no means in the running for the victor's crown. Not that it mattered, as by the end of the quiz I had imbibed three pints of strong ale and felt immune to anything but good cheer.

After some convincing, we persuaded everyone to relocate to the snooker room. Having been continually battered by Andy at pool throughout our travels, I saw this as an opportunity to pull ahead in at least one cue sport. I picked up the chalk, smiled that I-know-you're-better-than-me-which-will-make-beating-you-fantastic smile, and played...

 ...For about ten minutes before it became obvious that I was going to lose.

At the start of the game it transpired that the coin machine for the table light was broken. As such, the trusting souls at the pub had switched the light on and set up an 'honesty box' that politely asked players to deposit their money. Of course, nobody was enforcing this and it was entirely open to abuse.

If you need any further proof of my love for this pub then look no further, because despite my habitual loathing for personal financial expenditure (a facet of my personality that played a large role in our search for the 50p pool table) I, along with Andy, paid up.

Eventually the game ended and, just as with the quiz, I hadn't even come close to winning. However, unlike with the quiz, the shame was mine alone to carry. The Pubquest snooker score thus stands at 2-1 in favour of Andy.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Pub closing time was fast approaching and we had another venue in our crosshairs. With a heavy heart we finished our drinks and made our way to the exit.

As for the rating? I’m sure it will come as no surprise that The Hallamshire House has earned the magic ten, securing for itself a place in the Pubquest Hall of Fame alongside the only other pub to have thus far climbed to such dizzying heights. I am talking, of course, about the infamous Barry's.

I think it’s probably safe to say that this is the first time that these two establishments have been ranked side-by-side in any sort of league table.

Hallamshire House snooker score: Andy 1-0 Rob

Pubquest snooker score: Andy 2-1 Rob

Pub: The Hallamshire House (49-51 Commonside, S10 1GF)

Rating: 10/10

Pint: Colorado Red

Brewery: Thornbridge Brewery (Bakewell)

NEXT UP: Finding a bargain, at The Springvale...

Pub 34, Day 12 – The Closed Shop

By Andy

I once read that only optimistic people are late. The theory goes that if your glass is half-full, you think you can achieve more than is possible in any given period of time. Of course, you then go on to fail spectacularly and piss off all your mates by turning up at twenty-past.

On this occasion, me and Rob had arranged to meet a few friends outside The Hallamshire House at 8pm. Ending up on the same bus as each other, we both arrived at 7:55. Whilst waiting for the others, it came to our attention that we were just yards away from The Closed Shop, another pub we had yet to visit. One quick drink, we reasoned, would hardly be a hanging offence. An in-and-out job: up to the bar, order a pint, gulp it down and be back at The Hallamshire for 8:00. No problem.

It took about 30 seconds before our optimistic plan went spectacularly wrong.

We ordered two pints of Vespers, a porter from Abbeydale Brewery. The barman was halfway through pulling our pints when tragedy struck. The reassuring sound of pint-pouring was replaced by a sharp hissing noise. The coal-coloured liquid oozing into the glass was replaced by nothing but foam.

“Sorry guys, it's gone. You'll have to have one Vespers and one of something else. Into The Abyss is quite similar.”

Me and Rob looked at each other aghast. We spluttered, we swore, we clasped our hands to our heads in disappointment. The barman had presumably never seen anyone quite so distraught by such mundane news

“But this is Pubquest! We're visiting every pub in Sheffield, and having a different pint in each one! It is absolutely out of the question that we don't drink the same thing. I suggest you get on the phone to Abbeydale Brewery, and demand they bring you another barrel of Vespers immediately!” we thought.

“Yeah that's fine, no worries, we'll have one Vespers and one Into The Abyss,” we said.

The pints came. I didn't even care which was which. We slumped off to a table to begin the inquest.

“Well this doesn't count,” announced Rob.

I agreed. We couldn't start drinking different pints to each other, or it would be possible for one of us to succeed at Pubquest while the other failed. Whatever the outcome, we had to either triumph as a team or go down in a blaze of glory together.

There was only one option: we had to finish these pints, then return to the bar and order again. Our quick drink at The Closed Shop had already turned into two.

Rob got out his phone to compose a text: “Sorry, gonna be 5 minutes late, we're stuck in a bit of traffic at the moment.” We couldn't quite bring ourselves to admit we were across the road, drinking without them.

To pass the time we hit the pool table. I took the first frame just as we finished our drinks. On our second trip to the bar, we went for two pints of Hophead. Thankfully, there was enough to go around.

By 8:15, things were looking rosy again. Hophead was a lovely light pint, a delight to drink quickly. It would simply be one more frame of pool and a few more sips of beer until we emerged from the traffic jam.

Unfortunately, disaster struck again.

I must admit, this one was my own fault. I cracked under the pressure. With just one sip of my Hophead left, I was on the black ball. Perfect timing. Taking my last gulp, I rolled the black into the middle pocket.

Except it missed. Catching the inside jaw a fraction too early, it settled roughly 0.01mm from glory. Rob made no mistake, levelling the session at one frame each. As any self-respecting man knows, you can't leave a pool match at 1-1...

“Best of three?” Rob asked. I had already put the coin in the slot.

Rob went to get the next round in. As any self-respecting man knows, you can't play a frame of pool without a pint in your hand...

While I was waiting for Rob's return, I got out my phone to send an update: “Still stuck in traffic I'm afraid. Think there must have been an accident or something...”

I also took the opportunity to cast my eye around the pub. A lovely old-fashioned ale house, The Closed Shop had transformed itself from “a quick pint” to somewhere we didn't want to leave. With a raised pool table and a selection of books and board games, it had enough facilities to keep me entertained for hours. A nearby group had ordered food and it looked spectacular – a towering burger and proper chips. Needless to mention the pub had a breathtaking array of beers – Vespers, Into The Abyss and Hophead had all hit the spot.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the only problem with the entire pub was that the pool table clearly had a burning, passionate hatred for me. In the deciding frame, the pockets kept rejecting my shots, the balls ricocheting away into unpottable positions. In contrast, Rob couldn't miss, and he soon wrapped up the win.

Inebriated to the tune of 3 pints and optimistic to the tune of 45 minutes, we finally crossed the road to meet our friends.

Closed Shop pool score: Andy 1-2 Rob

Pubquest pool score: Andy 30-20 Rob

Pub: The Closed Shop (52-54 Commonside, S10 1GG)
Rating: 9/10
Pint: Hophead  
Brewery: Dark Star Brewing Company (Partridge Green, West Sussex)

NEXT UP: Making excuses, at The Hallamshire House...